Football Is Sh*t

I know what you are thinking. What an absurd headline for a blog which is trying to get people to read about the beautiful game. But I am going to be honest and say something which I thought would never say, and that I am losing interest in football. There are a number of reasons for this and I will try and run through these as best as possible, although they are in no particular order

1) Garth Crooks - I don't think I need to add anything to that one

2) Empty stadiums and small clubs - It frustrates me watching Premiership matches involving the likes of Wigan, Fulham and Portsmouth. These are teams not steeped in great football tradition and who are only where they are because of huge overseas investment. Their stadiums are shit, they can barely fill their ground and let's be honest would anybody really care if they got relegated? Let's get the bigger teams such as Leicester, Nottingham Forest and Leeds back in the Premiership, at least you would see some full houses and a bit of passionate support

3) Entertainment - I had to watch Leicester vs Plymouth the other day and nearly committed suicide. The so called entertainment nearly pushed me to jumping out the window. Watching the lower leagues has really made me realise the dire state of football in this country. No touch, no technique, just teams made of strong runners who can hoof the ball 50 yards. I am sick of managers saying "we worked hard". Thats the least I would fooking expect of people getting paid such stupid amounts of money. I am sure things werent this bad a few years ago and play off games such as Charlton 4 4 Sunderland seem a long long way now. Many people say that the Championship is so exciting cos the teams are so closely matched an nobody is running away with it. I prefer to look at it from the point of view that they are all equally as shit as each other.

Things in the Premiership are no better to be hones these days, as more teams are concerned with not losing than trying to win at all costs.

4) "Footballers" - I put this in inverted commas to highlight players such as Alan Smith and Dirk Kuyt. These are players who have no place on a football pitch and should be in crufts posing as a Golden Retriever or appearing on "One Man and his Dog - the relaunch". All they can do is run around yet they are getting paid £30-40k to do so. Would it really make a difference if I was playing up front? I mean , I couldn't possibly get any less goals could I?

5) Atmosphere at grounds - This is shite these days lets be honest, hardcore fans have been priced out the game to be replaced by the Prawn Sandwich brigade, matches are more of a big entertainment spectacle and the more family orientated idea has taken the sting out of things. Swearing and standing up is now met with bemusement rather than a wry smile and many grounds resemble a morgue.

6) Sky hype - The hype on Sky used to be funny but now its just annoying and there is no doubt that its kick off times are pissing many people off and destroying the tradition of the 3pm kick offs. I barely even watch Match of the Day anymore because the best games will be on Sunday and I don't want to stay in on Saturday night watching extended highlights of Fulham Vs Bolton in front of 5,000 fans and listening to Alan Shearer talk complete and utter crap

7) Boring cup competitions - No one gives a shit about the FA Cup anymore, the UEFA cup is a shambles and the Champions League is not even full of just Champions. All it does it stretch the gap between the big 4 and the rest of the league and hit fans in the pockets

8) Even Soccer AM has lost its razzmatazz these days

Can someone please tell me that I am wrong......

Sunil

Carry On Adebayor.......

Hilarious

Randoms questions from a disillusioned man....

I'm slightly disillusioned with the beautiful game at the moment, but here are some questions I have that need answers, anyone willing to help?

Are Arsenal actually going to make every sane persons nightmare come true and win the premiership or will they throw it away and spare us from another 30 years of gloating? Remember that unbeaten season?

Is Adebayor the best around at the moment or is he just having another Kevin Phillips-esque good season and be found out next season?

Is Eduardo still the world’s greatest finisher ever, even though he has one foot and has only scored 4 premiership goals this season?

Do Liverpool really want DIC and was Rafa’s response to the news of the world the funniest interview ever? Should he be afraid of a bit of DIC?

Is Cheryl Tweedy now regretting the day she rejected me?

Was the Chelsea Liverpool game the most boring exhibition of anything, since your mum forced you to sit and watch songs of praise all those years ago?

When will Crisitano Ronaldo realise that to hold onto the title of world’s best player you need to perform in the big games too, just look at Thierry Henry?

How did Egypt win the African nations again with some brilliant albeit completely unknown players?

Is Manucho seriously the new world’s greatest striker ever, if not then how long before Man United fans start telling us that he is?

When will the English public realise that its going to take a hell of a lot more than just a good manager, with his draconian rule to turn England into a world footballing power? It needs a complete change or philosophy, something that Capello can’t do in 5 years.

Why did Ferguson bottle it after the Man City game and not come out to congratulate the City fans on impeccably observing the minute’s silence?

What will Joey Barton have to do to be permanently removed from public circulation? Rape or murder on a football pitch?

Is Avram Grant the biggest big game bottler manager around right now?

How funny would it be to see a side like Fulham travel to China for a relegation decider, and get sent down in front of a billion screaming fans who haven’t got a clue what’s going on?

Why wasn’t I consulted about this 39^th game?

Is there really anyone stupid enough to believe that Liverpool fans have pledged 60 million pounds towards their takeover?

Now that spurs are no longer the laughing stock of the premiership, will they crack the top 4 next season?

Is the situation at Newcastle the most predictable thing in the world ever and who will be sad if that joke of an establishment gets relegated to the championship? Deluded clowns.

Answers on a post card please.

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Capello's New Regime

Only a few minutes into Capello's reign as England manager and I think we are now all fully aware that he is 10 times the manager McClown was and ever will be, although I will miss the ginger joker, as he was always a source of good material and news. Oh well, he did try and offer Capello some advice which I thought was quite strange, telling him to pick Terry as captain to get the best out of him. Would you listen to contraceptive advice from an AIDS victim?

Anyway, Capello has proceeded to lay down the law to the England squad straight off the bat, Beckham was dropped, although I thought the decision was harsh its easy to understand why a player who thinks kicking a ball in Africa, Sao Paulo and the Arsenal training ground makes him match fit surely isn't worthy of a place in the squad ahead of players who have been playing regularly. Becks will have his 100th cap, but not just yet, he does deserve it though. Michael Owen has been annoying me incesantly this season, after putting in simply turd performances for the whole of the season, with each goal he has scored for Newcastle worth apporximately soemwhere in the region of 1.8million he then proceeds to open his mouth and say he ready for England and is back to his best, what the hell is this man smoking? One goal against Boro does not make you a goal machine.

Greeting the players with a noticeboard which had the following information for them.

Lateness will not be tolerated, room service is banned and mobiles can only be used in bedrooms.

Ashley Cole wont be too upset then.

Players must eat together in smart dress and must wear team blazers when in public and at matches.

This could be a bit of a problem when Lampard returns to the team, I think we are all aware of his excessive eating.

Players will be called by their surnames.

Sounds like something out of a school dormitory.

No WAGS, relatives or agents are allowed to visit.

Rio should be pleased then, means that he will be allowed to organise one of his legendary "roast parties"

Switzerland will be no pushover, lets see if tomorrows headlines will be "Crap-pello" or "Just Fab-ulous". I will be there watching from the stands to see how it all unfolds.

Window of Opportunity?

So 31 January 2008 is nigh and so nears the end a month of frenzied transfer activity. I for one have not been the biggest fan of the transfer window ever since its inception and I think that its introduction has only gone to strengthen the biggest teams in the country at the expense of those with less stature.

The likes of Manchester United and Chelsea are able to spend heavily in the summer, building up their squads, knowing that their any major injuries or suspensions will be catered for and their will be no need to take any emergency action.

However, teams such as Bolton and Reading cannot compete in terms of spending power and so are unable to carry such huge squads on the off chance that they undergo such a crisis, which can prove extremely costly. An excellent example of this occurred a couple of years ago when Watford’s top striker, Marlon King, was injured a couple of games into the Premiership season and after the summer window had shut. As a result, Watford were unable to sign anyone to replace him and the rest is history, as they were relegated without a whimper.

Fans are deprived of months of transfer gossip and the palpable buzz that arrives when you are on the verge of a signing which could potentially change your team’s fortunes. Meanwhile, the media are forced to scratch around for other news to fill their column inches.

Transfer restrictions may also increase the chance of the “tapping up” of players, an issue that was brought to light during the Ashley Cole saga a couple of years ago.

The window is also impractical when players fall out of favour with the club they are contracted to. Footballers may not be playing but are not able to move on for many months and are so getting paid wages for effectively doing nothing, something which hits all clubs in the pockets, including the fans.

Clubs who fall into financial difficulty may also have their hands tied. A common solution would be to sell their most valuable assets for a quick cash injection, but now this cannot happen. In some extreme cases, clubs may not field their best players in case they get injured before the transfer window, thus damaging the team’s chances of pulling through the financial crisis. This will only serve to punish the team on the pitch and the supporters who pay to watch them.

Could you imagine if you only had one month to get rid of your current girlfriend and find another one? Or if you decided to leave your job but were told that you could only do so after another six months? You would be irrative, your motivation would dip and you wouldn’t be at your most productive. And also consider if you had only one month to find the job you really want. It would hardly be ideal to say the least.

Window of opportunity? I don’t think so.

Sunil

Keegan Appoints Wise...Photocall

Despite rumours to the contrary, Keegan was today photographed welcoming Dennis Wise. As you can see below it looks like a match made in heaven

Sunil

Cult Heroes......Tino Asprilla

The recent return of Kevin Keegan has brought back lots of memories for those of us old enough to remember his last stint with the Toon Army. For some it’s the crazy outbursts, or the loss of a big lead in the league. At a time when my own team, Arsenal, was falling to new lows at the end of the Graham era, it was all an interesting distraction. However, for me the enduring memory is of the footballing wizard that was Faustino (Tino) Asprilla (that’s Aspriya, no Asprilia!).

Now I’ll admit that I have an ulterior motive for this, and that is because I’m a Colombian, and to us Colombians, having Asprilla play in the premiership was a moment of great pride. Never before had one of our countrymen pulled on the shirt of a major English team.

Of course Tino came with a reputation already, considering he had played for Parma (where he is said to have declared he was a builder to get a visa), back when they were a decent team. He was also a member of the infamous USA 94 national team, which failed miserably after being given the ultimate jinx, being Pele’s dark horses. Amid rumours of drug cartels and betting rings disrupting the dressing room and a dismal defeat to the USA, (I sat in my parents’ bedroom at 2am watching that match and it was truly heartbreaking). It was said that Tino was one of many players who threatened to walk out before the game, and eventually did afterwards.

But to us Colombians he would remain a hero despite that because he also gave us the immense pleasure of being instrumental in a 5-0 demolishing of Argentina in their own backyard, something that we would never have dreamed of. In those days, we didn’t have much access to South American football, and still don’t really, so there were copies of the match on VHS that did the rounds amongst family so we could all see for ourselves.

I remember when the news broke that Tino was to sign for the Toon, and seeing the pictures of him in the car park, in the middle of a blizzard. Looking back, it epitomised the culture clash between English football and the wider net being cast to bring in talent from abroad. How they laughed at the foreigner bundled up and still looking frozen to the bone. But that all changed when he made his debut at Middlesborough. He came on as a sub and completely changed the game, and instantly showed himself to be one of the more skilful players in the country. He absolutely terrorised the ‘boro defence, with his seemingly rubber legs going one way and the ball another.

Unfortunately, despite his impressive start, he was part of the team that eventually failed to win the league, and was blamed in some quarters for this. It was felt that he broke up a successful partnership in Beardsley and Ferdinand, and was unnecessary tinkering by Keegan. Like many players who seem to have such amazing skill, he could never really find the consistency to be a regular threat.

Probably his defining moment was the hat-trick he scored in a seminal game that Newcastle won 3-2 against the mighty Barcelona. Tino and Ginola took Barca apart, and as Colombians we shared the Toon Army’s joy. Around that time I lost count of the number of Newcastle tops that I saw around the Colombian community and that game still resonates. Not long ago an uncle of mine used one of his calls from prison to ask me to help him settle a bet regarding the match because someone wouldn’t believe Tino had scored a hat-trick (no prison jokes please!).

Sadly, Tino never quite hit those highs again and it became clear that part of his inconsistency was due to being somewhat nuts and very moody. As an acne ridden teenager, I had the pleasure of meeting him at the Colombian restaurant my parents owned, and he was not in the slightest bit interested in giving any of his time to the bunch of Colombian kids who idolised him.

Around the same time his temper increasingly became a problem and he was sent off for Colombia after getting in a fight with the Paraguayan keeper Chilavert in the middle of a match. The first Colombian to get dismissed for such a crime.

He was eventually shipped off to Brazil and wound down his career at various South American clubs, never coming close to matching his previous highs. Although, infamously, he came very close to signing with lowly Doncaster a few years ago after dealing with their moneybags chairmen, even being paraded before a match. But Tino being Tino, he didn’t turn up for the contract signing and was never heard off again.

There were rumours back home that he spent all his time drinking and indulging in the high life of women and cocaine, and when you’re taken from the slums of Colombia and become a mega-rich footballer, respected throughout the world maybe its not a great surprise. Something of course that we see now, with youngsters making much more money than they could ever have dreamed of. Tino eventually did time for running amok in Colombia waving his gun in the air in a wild frenzy, although thankfully the nutter didn’t shoot anyone! He also raised eyebrows when he posed nude for the cover of a magazine.

Anyway, cheers for sharing my journey back in time, and to the crazy owner of Newcastle for re-hiring Keegan and prompting this. Tino, you were a great, but also clearly mad as a hatter, and we salute you for it!

Luis Hernandez

You're Not Singing Anymore

Having carefully observed numerous Premiership and Championship games in recent weeks, it’s clear that the general consensus is that the atmosphere at grounds is gradually diminishing. This is a topic that has been brought sharply into focus after Alex Ferguson accused a crowd of nearly 75,000 fans of producing a ‘funeral-like’ atmosphere as his side beat lowly Birmingham 1-0 at Old Trafford.

I believe that the thrill and excitement of match days has been on the wane for some time and is a trend which is becoming increasingly difficult to reverse.

After the Hillsborough tragedy, the advent of all-seater stadiums was a necessity for crowd safety but this has come at a price. As much as the brand new all-seater stadiums look fantastic and have huge capacities, there is no doubt that they can help create a vacuum-like atmosphere and they can struggle to keep any meaningful noise within their confines. Those who have visited the new Wembley will testify to this.

However, I believe that the main contributing factor has been the rapid rise of footballers’ wages allied to the television boom. When football was first born, it was a game for the “man on the street”. Fans would go to a game to spend their hard earned wages to watch people who were probably getting paid just as much money as them but had a talent and flair for football. The archetypal spectator could relate to these players, they would give them their full backing and would have their mutual respect.

However, fast forward to the modern day and times have changed considerably. Ticket prices are spiralling upwards and many top players earn more money in one week then many spectators earn in two to three years. Fans simply cannot relate to this. Now, when they attend a match, they expect entertainment, perfection and justification for the huge sums that these players are earning. This can lead to fans being anxious, critical and hoping that going to watch their team wasn’t a complete waste of time and money.

The television explosion has also meant that a full compliment of 3pm fixtures rarely occurs. Awkward kick off times has resulted in fans refusing to travel to games and instead choosing to follow their team in the comfort of their own living room.

The perceived lack of loyalty shown by players has also been a contributory factor. A fine example would be Portsmouth’s recent acquisition Lassana Diarra, who on signing for the South Coast side, admitted that if a bigger side were to come calling he would be on his way in rapid time. That’s a bit like saying to your new girlfriend that you will stay with her for now but if Jessica Alba came knocking at your door, you would be gone in a flash. It’s not the sort of thing you would say to garner any sort of support or rapport is it?

Unfortunately, this current trend looks set to continue in the beautiful game.

Sunil

The Return Of The Brazillians From Africa....

Readers of my previous blog dedicated to the 2006 World Cup will be well aware of my African heritage. This week the African Cup of Nations kicked off in my country of origin Ghana, with the Black Stars going up against the world power of Guinea in the showpiece opener. They call Ghana the Brazil Of Africa, and for good reason, yes they may have Junior Agogo of Nottingham Forest and Arsenal failure Quincy, but when they all step on that pitch it is a sight to behold, with a passing game only rivalled by the ever so annoying Gooners(yes I am clearly over hyping them, but aren’t we all guilty of getting a bit too excited).

If you have ever travelled to a country Africa, you will know all about the special saying “This is Africa”. It’s a saying used to describe all the comedy things that happen in Africa, which could only happen in Africa, astonishing things that happen, that you accept as common behaviour. When the tournament kicked off it was quite clear that we would be hearing that saying a lot of times. I said to myself “Please don’t embarrass yourself Ghana, the world is watching”, but from the moment the whistle blew in the opening match I was already hanging my head in shame.

The pitch for the “showpiece” was an absolute disgrace, as if they told the grounds men to make sure the ball cant roll more than 2 metres, with the grass so long you could only see half the ball and none of the players boots, I bet the sponsors were outraged. The match more than made up for the debacle, with the Black stars kicking off with a superb win over Guinea thanks to an absolute roaster from Sulley Muntari which he claimed was a goal which healed sickness. It takes a team with supreme skill and heart to play slick 1 touch football when knee deep in grass.

The Nigerians our bitter rivals lost out to the tournament favourites the Ivory Coast thanks to surprisingly skillful goal from the often erratic Solomom Kalou, to be honest I will put this goal down to good fortune rather than anything, with the Nigerian defence spreading quicker than the legs of a Dutch prostitute, I seriously wonder what the real average age of the Super eagles actually is? Kanu is now 52, Martins is 36 and Yakubu is nearer 35 than 25. Despite the lights failing during the national anthems, Kanoute was still able to put Mali into a good position scoring the only goal in a 1-0 win over Benin. The Champions Egypt punished Cameroon 4-2, with a sublime display of attacking football and the Angolans were held to a draw by the South Africans after a brilliant goal from New Man Utd star Manucho. How long before Man U fans tell us he is the second coming and future world player of the year? All in all it’s been an exciting start to the tournament on the pitch, regardless of the teething problems off it.

Now on to the television coverage, beware of every cliché in the book from so called “knowledgeable” such as “typical naive African defending”, “look at that robust midfield”, “The goalkeepers are so eccentric”, “look at that power, pace, power, pace, strength” and lets not forget ”the north Africans play a European style of football”. Sometimes I wonder why the commentators don’t comment on the size of the African players’ penises, might as well throw in as many urban myths(or truths) as you possible can. Also be sure to avoid the BBC’s coverage at all costs, they have done some simple maths to decide which pundits to give their “expert” analysis. I think it something like this, Africa + Football + Black people = Garth Crooks, who knows absolutely nothing about the African game or football in general, but he’s clearly the most qualified for the job(sigh). Switch over the Eurosport to watch Stan “Overweight” Collymore providing a very informative assessment of what’s really going on and what players to watch out for, I have been pleasantly surprised.

Regardless of the terrible pitches, awful commentary clichés, insane goalkeeping and terrible punditry, this years African nations will be the best ever in my book, yes I may be biased, but never has their been so many high profile African players represented in the biggest and best leagues in the world, so if you want to watch free flowing, attacking and often dangerous and amusing football, forget the Emirates, just switch over to Eurosport, you wont be disappointed.