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Bite Fever Hits World Cup

Monday, 30 June 2014



Apologies all for the lack of blogging recently, I have been fortunate enough to have been in sunnier climbs since last Thursday so haven't been privvy to all the games.  This has culminated in not only gaining a bit of a sun tan (yes, Asians tan as well) and also missing half of the football exciting action over the last few days.  Therefore, this article will be short and sweet.  To be honest, there is so much coverage these days, social media debate etc that I am struggling to cope with this tidal wave of footballing information so if you think you can do better then please help me out!

Luis Suarez

This episode has pretty much been and gone so I won't add to much other than to quote someone I met recently who is a teacher by trade.  When querying the Suarez incident they simply said

"Btw that Suarez should not be allowed to play football anymore, seriously what a joke, I don't care if he's good or brings a lot of money in, what is he teaching the kids!"

Granted that women shouldn't really normally be allowed to comment on football (Do me a favour love!), but I think that quote pretty much hits the nail on the head.

However, I did also manage to locate Luis Suarez's new local bar in Valencia, somewhere I imagine he may be situated for the next few months.






Hulk



I did manage to catch most of the Brazil vs Chile game.  It wasn't really a classic although it was good to see WBA leaving their imprint on the tournament with ex-Baggie Gonzolo Jara scoring an Own Goal and then missing the decisive penalty.  I did take some personal delight in successfully predicting the direction of each of the penalties, something which I have honed since reading the brilliant book "Twelve Yards", currently available from all good bookshops.  I did offer to help out the England team who are notorious at losing on penalty shoot outs but now they so sh*t that they cannot even get past the group stages, so alas my exceptional Derren Brown like skills will not be required in the near future it seems.

The only other thing interesting about this game was the guy who is called Hulk.  I am sure many of you are thinking that is he simply called that because he is a massive gym freak b*stard?

Rather interestingly (or not) I actually think this is one of those "ironic" nicknames.  The reason I say this, is that the guy falls over like a sack of potatoes on even the slightest of contact. What a big girl's blouse.  Hulk? My arse.  Calling the guy Hulk is akin to calling Dion Dublin "Tiny" due to the size of his manhood.

Mexico Vs Netherlands

As I sat in the departure lounge for my flight back, I heard a group of Dutch fans shout out in sheer delight, a mere two minutes apart whilst a German appeared to shout out "Scheisse".  All of this had me very confused as to what was happening in this game.  Now it all makes sense to me And er...that's it.  Sorry if that's not that very interesting, but if you want a proper match report discussing water breaks and tactical genius Louis van Gaal then you can go and read them elsewhere....

Anyway's this Germany vs Algeria game looks pretty tasty so I am going to stop writing and watch that instead.

Adios amigos!

Sunil

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Dead Rubber Brings England No Joy

Tuesday, 24 June 2014


Let's be honest, you didn't click on this blog because you wanted to read about England's latest battle of attrition, you just wanted to look at this picture didn't you, you filthy animal? And if you did then I can't blame you.  Let's be honest, this is probably the most exciting thing you have seen at the World Cup from an English person (I have no idea if the girls are even English if I am honest).

Despite today's game being a dead rubber for England ( I have never understood this term btw, is it something to do with contraception?  It is a reference to an out of date condom? Answers on a postcard please), I made the slightly unfortunate decision to leave work early today to take up a seat at the battle cruiser near work to watch the English team take on the mighty Costa Rica.   A bit like arranging to meet up with an ex-girlfriend, the expectation of something good quickly descends into boredom and within minutes you have realised that you have made a mistake and you are looking for the quickest exit out of there.

Today's game was one of the worst I have ever seen in the tournament so far and left me feeling pretty despondent. Not because England were terminally average, but because they have contributed absolutely ZERO to this World Cup.

Aside from an early match, ( I think it involved Iran but the game escapes met) nearly every game has had moments of madness, excitement, drama, unbelievable skill, a great celebration or a manager going absolutely apoplectic on the touchline. Yes that's right, Miguel Hererra I am looking at you

http://www.theguardian.com/football/blog/2014/jun/24/mexico-coach-miguel-herrera-world-cup-2014

In fact, even as I watch Greece vs Ivory Coast a last minute penalty has caused absolute bedlam.  Does anyone else get the feeling that England just have not been part of this World Cup?   I mean for God's sake, we didn't even get to see any Wags!  I cannot think of anything worse than being remembered for being a bit ordinary.  Have England provided more than 10 minutes of entertainment in any game?  Even when South Korea were getting humped 3-0 by Algeria the other night at least they came back out second half and gave it a go.

England being not that good you can kind of get used to, but at least be so monumentally shit that you let in fifty goals and provide some entertainment.  In today's game, why not just play two in defence and send everyone up front, at least it would be a bit of fun.  Instead we got another snoozefest from the team, with only a couple of dodgy penalty shouts to look at.  In fact, it's more interesting watching as to why Robbie Savage is coming onto Danny Murphy so strongly by wrapping his arm around him in the BBC Studio (something to share Robbie?).

I'm not sure what has happened in this tournament to England and my heart goes out to poor fans who went to Brazil to watch such a farce.  My only advice to them would be to take a stroll along Ipanema beach and check out some of the football street performers as it's likely they have more skill than the whole of the English football team.  Alternatively try and pick up a local with a dead rubber and play something I like to call "Russian Roulette"

*DISCLAIMER*

The above joke was taken from someone else and is not a reflection of On The Bench.  As Tim Westwood once profoundly said "Strap It Up Before You Slap It Up"

Anyway, I should end this article with something football related

ENGLAND TILL I DIE (is that what we sing these days?)

Sunil

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Is lack of intelligence the cause of England's woes?

Saturday, 21 June 2014


As England were sent crashing out of the World Cup, I am sure that everyone was queuing up to offer their reasons for England's demise. Unusually, though perhaps there didn't seem to be an obvious reason this time for England's failure to qualify for the Group Stages.  The team played ok but were not brilliant, the coach seemed to have prepared them well and we cannot even blame England's ludicrous record from penalties this time.

The usual excuses seem to have all run their course and since 1966 it seems like England have tried nearly everything without ever really looking like making a major imprint on the world stage.  We have tried English managers, foreign managers, youth, experience, pragmatism and also attacking football. We failed in hot countries, in cold countries, we have taken teams to isolated camps, we have taken teams to integrated areas.  So is there some underlying reason for England's failure that we are all missing out on? Is there a reason that we are just perhaps not very good?

If someone could answer that million pound question then I am sure it would have been done already and England would be World Cup Winners but personally think that one reason for England's failure to perform in big tournaments could be what I would deem to be lack of intelligence.

Footballers need many qualities and abilities for their profession.  Physical strength, skill, speed and perhaps an often ignored attribute...intelligence.  In all forms of life, intelligent people are generally good decision makers, find solutions and more often than not, remain calm under pressure.  As I sit watching the Germans play without a recognised striker and create chance after chance I can only be impressed with their ability and awareness on how to play their football.  Could anyone else imagine England playing tournament football without a recognised striker?

How often have we seen in major tournaments England's perceived lack of game management, naivety and in general, their lack of awareness on how to win games. How often have we bemoaned their lack of ability to maintain possession or to close a game out? Against Italy and Uruguay the team had done well to pull level but then did not seem to know how to get the result required.

I think my intelligence argument has been heightened by looking at some of the punditry on the TV this year. Maybe I am just a sucker for a foreign accent but don't all the foreign footballers just sound more intelligent than England's? A certain Carlton Palmer was blaming Hodgson, saying he hadn't taken sufficient risks, despite the fact he played with 4 attacking players in each game. This sort of crude analysis makes you wonder what on earth he had been watching.

On the other hand,  the likes of Seedorf, Henry, and Vieira all seem to speak with a certain wit, widsom and smartness which embarrasses the likes of Savage, Shearer and such like.  In fact, I would go as so far as to say that even their English is better than the British nationals themselves.

Could anyone else imagine a Rio Ferdinand, a John Terry, a David Beckham or a Wayne Rooney going onto Brazilian TV and getting involved with the banter with Fernanda Lima. I don't think so.   These guys can barely put three words together in their own language, let alone a foreign tongue.

Associated with this is the lack of English players going abroad to other countries. You can probably count on one hand the amount of English players who have gone abroad in the last thirty years. The challenge of integrating into another culture, learning a new language, embracing different styles and opinions is a challenge which has not been befitting of many of the current crop of English players and dare I say requires a certain level of intelligence and know how.

Whilst I know England as a whole struggles with languages, how wonderful is it to see other players from foreign countries quickly assimilating into other cultures and fitting into their lifestyle.  Patrick Vieria, Gus Poyet, and Gianluca Vialli for example,  when the first came to England could not speak a word of English but within a couple of years were speaking extremely fluently.  And what do we get from English footballers in their post match interviews? "At the end of the day it was a tough game....etc etc."  Hardly the most inspiring of words.

So how does this lack of intelligence and awareness possibly translate to the pitch?  I think game management would be the main area, as it appears that English players only appear to know how to play the English way.  Often it is derided.."Why can't we play like Spain, Germany etc?". But this is not something you can just switch on and off, it's something which can only be learnt by playing with these players in different countries, gaining a deeper understanding of what makes them tick, how they play their football.

I'm not suggest that all footballers must be contestants on Countdown every week but perhaps a bit more footballing "education" (that's a nine letter word btw) would not go amiss and may help England arise out of their irritable slumber.

Sunil

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Commentary Capers and Pundit Perfection Making This A World Cup To Remember

Tuesday, 17 June 2014


Although we are barely into this Group Stages, I can hand on heart say that this is probably best World Cup I have seen in my lifetime so far. I will stop short of saying it's been the best ever, mainly because I have only seen highlights of all the World Cups prior to the auspicious day of my birth, that cold wintry afternoon in November 1983.

This World Cup has had everything that you would wish for (aside from an England win).  Riots, beaches, goals, controversy, red cards, last minute winners and upsets.  However, one of the main highlights for me has been some of the hilarious commentary and analysis which has taken place in the respective studios on BBC1 and ITV.

My personal pick has been Thierry Henry, who at times, despite the fact he is so relaxed that he looks like he has woken from a coma, has provided some superb wit and dare I say "va va voom" with his expert analysis.

I am sure many of you have seen the Twitter picture doing the rounds (as above) as a poor Robbie Savage has been somewhat put in his place on numerous occasions.  Whilst Robbie will compare a match with his memories from a cold night at Filbert Street, Mr Henry will instead draw on his considerable experience, name dropping on such a regular basis it's almost an embarrassment.  In every game, he seems to have played alongside or against the player on show. "I remember, playing with Marquez...and Yaya...and Alves" or "I remember playing in the World Cup Final...I remember needing to score winning the League."  If it was anyone else I would say he was an arrogant pr*ck, but he pulls it off with such panache it's hard not to just hope he does it on a more regular basis.

If he hasn't played with the guys then he has often just socialised with them.  "I was talking with Clarence the other night at the beach..and told him that Robbie's hair looks ridiculous" was probably my personal favourite(!)

A special mention also to the BBC for placing Neil Lennon next to a certain Mr Shearer. Unfortunately, the two seemed to get along a little bit too nicely.  For those unsure of the significance of this, take a look at this little clip

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8fMbxLTpps

The commentary has been a slightly mixed bag with the dull tones of Monsieur Philip Neville and Andy "He's gotta do better there Clive" Townsend heaping misery upon millions of viewers throughout the nation.

However, I don't think there will be many of you who would disagree that Jonathan Pearce's antics during the France Vs Honduras game were the pick of the tournament.  Good old Jonno thought that he had managed to discover a flaw in the Goaline Technology System only for a rather embarrassed Martin Keown to step in. For those who missed it, a quick summary is here

http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/worldcup/world-cup-2014-bbc-presenter-jonathan-pearce-gets-in-a-mess-over-goalline-technology-9540780.html

It kind of made reminded me of if he was trying to get into a nightclub one night

Jonno : "You said that if I wore a shirt and shoes, you would let me in!!"

Doorman : "Sorry, we cannot let you in dressed like that"

Jonno : "What, this is a disgrace!".  You said to dress smart and I have, this is totally unfair! You are breaking the club's door policy!"

Keown : "You aren't wearing any pants or trousers Jonno"

Jonno ; "Ah ok......"















On a completely separate note, has anyone noticed the uncanny resemblance (give me some leeway here) between the Mexican manager Miguel Herrera and the BNP leader Nick Griffin?  Ok, actually, on second thoughts, it looks like there is none.  On that note, I better do a Robbie Savage and get my coat...

Sunil

1 comments

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Rooney?

Sunday, 15 June 2014


A somewhat disappointing result for England in their opening game against the Italians in Manaus which based on a decent all round performance, was perhaps undeserved.  A vast improvement on their atrocious display against the same opposition two years ago, the result still offers considerable hope that they will win their next two games in order to reach the knockout stages.

Much of the post match analysis has revolved around the role of the much maligned Rooney (who I had the misfortune of receiving in the sweepstake at work).  I think that first of all any criticism of the player in this particular match is pretty much unwarranted and unjustified. Any individual who is played out of position to play his part for the team deserves every single bit of credit.  Rooney is not a left sided player and never will be (despite his sumptuous assist for Sturridge) and any influence his game has is always going to be restricted in such a wide position.  Defensively, he left Baines exposed on numerous occasions, but this is to be expected when a player is instructed to try and curtail his natural instincts to drift inside and support the striker.

Some of the criticism from Shearer on the BBC I thought was incredibly harsh. Granted, Rooney had a good chance to at least hit the target. However, having been starved of the ball all game and then popping up in his favoured central position it' a bit much to suggest he should have scored.  If he played in the central striking role all game then he probably would have had more chances and he may have put it away.

Interestingly, a lot of people think that the easy answer to the problem is to shift Rooney inside into his natural position, playing in behind the striker.  However, I think this is slightly misguided for a few reasons.

Firstly, this would mean shifting Sterling back out wide, probably England's most penetrative player which I don't think would be a good idea. Secondly, I think that by bringing him inside, England would effectively be playing a 4-4-2 as Rooney is not and never will be an attacking midfielder.  He no longer has that ability to drift past players, deliver those really intricate passes in the final third.  Yes he may drop off, but his tendency will then just to be to fire a 40 yard pass out wide and make his way into the box. Very few teams play with such a partnership these days, and more often than not, the support striker is a player who can provide some energy and excitement to the play i.e Sterling.

In my view, this leaves only one option and that is to leave Wayne on the bench (assuming Sturridge is fit). I would bring Lallana in on the left hand side. Whilst this may seem slightly negative, I think this would give the side better balance.  I think Welbeck on the other flank is perhaps another liability, but with limited options (no thank you Milner) I think he will probably retain his place.  For the Uruguay game, Barkley and Rooney should be brought on as impact players.

Now that the boring stuff is out the way, let's look at some other interesting points from some of the footage so far.

Thierry Henry has provided some much entertainment on the BBC and one of my friends interestingly thinks that he was perhaps smoking something either before or during the coverage, and I wouldn't disagree with that. His comment that Pirlo deliberately hit the crossbar with his free kick was my personal highlight.

The uglier of the Neville brothers has come in for a fair amount of deserved stick of this punditry during the match and it's fair to say that he was probably the worst person to have commentating on such a late kick off. For those who had nearly fallen asleep anyway, his dull, expressionless tones probably sent half the country into a coma long before the match had ended.  Who needs hypnosis to send people to sleep when you have commentary like that?  Pitchside expert Danny Murphy was much more worthy of taking a spot in the commentary box with his incisive and clever analysis.  Although perhaps their roles were not reversed as Monsieur Neville has a better face for commentary.....

.....and finally it's fair to say that all of the games have been pretty entertaining so far.  But even the most boring of matches will be lit up by the rather hilarious confirmation of all goals using the Goal-line technology. When the ball has been smashed into the back of the next it's good that we see those 50 different angles to show that the ball has indeed crossed the line...what on earth are these guys up to?

Sunil

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Nifty Neymar gives Brazil home comforts

Thursday, 12 June 2014



A somewhat fortuitous win for the hosts ensured that the World Cup went off with a bang tonight.  A scuffed daisy cutter, a very dubious penalty and a toepunt that I would have been proud off finally saw off a dogged Croatian side in the first game of the tournament and put Brazil firmly in the driving seat to qualify for the next round.

I am sure most of you have seen the game so I won't write out a boring match report but instead highlight some general thoughts around the opening of the greatest competition in World Sport.

I decided to make the executive decision to leave work early today to come home and make sure I saw the opening ceremony.  Probably one of the worst decisions I have made since I took what I thought was a girl home "that night in Thailand" a few years ago.  I admit opening ceremonies are generally boring but where was the samba based dance fest that everyone was hoping for and expecting?  The gyrating women?  The flavour of carnival?  Instead we got that complete and utter b*llend Pitbull, a ropey looking J-Lo and what I can only assume was her body double (I genuinely have no idea who the other woman was). A massive disappointment and one that won't linger long in the memory....

...and talking of things that don't last long (wait there a minute)..what an amazing thing that vanishing spray is.  I am sure that I was not the only person who was thinking of all the amazing uses for this stuff.  Most of them won't be publishable I would imagine but this really could be the invention of the decade.  It's a shame I suppose that the whole of the opening ceremony was not sprayed in the stuff..



Kudos to Croatia for trying every trick in the book to try and win tonight, including hiring Keanu Reeves as manager. A thoroughly ballsy decision I have to say...also shows that he has more in his locker than being a sh*t actor.  He hasn't minced his words either with his post match quotes

" "If that's how we start the World Cup, we'd better give it up now and go home.
"We talk about respect, that wasn't respect, Croatia didn't get any.
"If that's a penalty, we don't need to play football anymore. Let's play basketball instead, it's a shame."
More of the same please Keanu!

Sunil





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My Early Season Rants...

Friday, 14 September 2012

So, the wonderful Premier League is back in action.  I have been meaning to update the blog more regularly but those who know me well (or fairly well) will know that I have had a load more important stuff to deal with including the birth of my first child.  Anyhow, now that's out the way and the little blighter has been successfully baptised at the Shrine (aka the Hawthorns) I am now ready to begin this season in earnest. In traditional fashion, I will begin with a big ranting session


Brendan Rodgers & Liverpool 

The clowns from Merseyside are a complete and utter embarrassment and I took great privilege from the fact that they my beloved Baggies whooped them on the first day of the season.  Anyhow, a lot of people have been expressing sympathy to Mr Rodgers following the end of the transfer window but for me this is a little bit misguided.

Ok, I am not going to deny that Mr Rodgers is paying for KKKs excessive spending last season and obviously he got shafted when he let Carroll go on the basis that a replacement would be brought in.  However, it is pretty clear that when Rodgers came in he was not a fan of Carroll and did not want him in his team.  I am guessing this is because he did not fit into his footballing "philosophy". For me, this was incredibly arrogant and naive of Rodgers to take this approach. His mistake was stating that the club would not want a £35m man on the bench.  But the point is that Andy Carroll is not worth £35m.  However, he is a great target man who would fit in well at any mid-table club (i.e Liverpool).  For Rodgers to expect Suarez to lead the attack on his own and score enough goals was pretty naive, considering that his finishing can at times be as clinical as Savo Milosevic back in the day (if you don't know who he is then get off my Blog).  Anyway, for Rodgers to alienate the only other striker at the club was pretty silly in my book and ultimately he has been left embarassed after stating about 2 months ago there was no way he would leave on loan.

Then, we have the issue of what Rodgers spent his budget on.  To my calculation, he spent around £25m on two players, including a whopping £15m on Joe Allen.  The remainder was spent on that well known prolific striker Fabio Borini.  Granted, the guy Allen looks a decent buy.  But £15m? Do me a favour. If Rodgers is the visionary that Liverpool are hoping for then I sure as help his scouting system improves.  He spent all his budget on 2 players who worked with him at Swansea for Christ's sake!  This is the guy who wanted "total control" at the club and to be the main man.

Any knowledgeable person will know that Swansea had been a successful team because they had a very good structure set up. They have been playing fantastic football under Martinez, Sousa and Rodgers and now Laudrup.  I don't think it was anything specifically to do with Rodgers (I will happily hold my hands up if I am proved wrong)

I personally think it will all end in tears

Roy Hodgson

I love Woy, as most Baggies fans do.  But although not inflammatory, I thought his comments today but the current crop of English players in the Premiership was a bit misguided.  He indicated that due to the high presence of Europeans in the league, its harder for English players to break through.  I think this is a little outdated. It goes without saying that England's qualifying record has actually got much better since the influx of foreign players into the Premiership.  If the top quality foreign players were not here in our league then their places would be taken by the likes of Francis Benali, Mark Hateley and Steve Morrow.  I rest my case

AVB

Is it wrong to be jealous of his incredibly manly voice?

Garth Crooks 

Anyone who observes his team of the week will know that this pillock will simply choose his team on who scores a goal that weekend, without actually reviewing any performances from the players from less noted teams.  It upsets me that he is being paid to produce this garbage week after week.

Tw@tter

Is it just me or should all playing footballers be banned from ranting at their own team on this thing?  Massively unprofessional and childish.  If you are man enough to speak out against your team go and say it to the managers face rather than telling tales.  Yes, I am talking to you Mr Barton.

Sunil

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Is Super Mario so often vilified because he is black?

Sunday, 1 July 2012


A slightly controversial headline today regarding Monsieur Balotelli from yours truly in preparation for today's Euro 2012 final.  This is something which has been on my mind for a while but whether any of it is any true is entirely a different matter.

Anyway, firstly back to the game between the Germans and the assured Azzuri which was perhaps provided one of the most surprising results of the tournament so far.  I fancied the Germans strongly for this one and placed a massive £10 on the Germans to emerge successful, money which disappeared in the blink of any eye on the first half thanks to Super Mario's smashing double.

I actually missed the first half of this game as I was standing outside having beers whilst the game was on inside (don't ask) but I have seen the two marvellous goals since as well as Mario's lovely emotional celebration.

The Germans quite frankly didn't turn up (did they not realise I had money on them to win?) and in the 2nd half Italy probably should have added to their tally if it wasn't for some wayward finishing.

So back to Balotelli, who has so often been quoted as an enigma, a genius and a downright tool in equal measures.  Throughout the whole of last season, I am not sure if I ever read a newspaper article which gave him any praise.  Aside from the column inches dedicated to his off field antics (many of them actually him acting in a positive manner), it seemed that every mistake or error he made would be followed by tirades of criticism from football writers.  Last season, Balotelli did have a few misdemeanours but only had 2 sendings off, one against Arsenal and and one against Liverpool (debatable).  He did make a bad tackle on Alex Song and the Scott Parker stamp was later punished for (though this again wasn't clear in my view).

However, he did score a number of crucial goals in City's season, including decisive penalties in the last minutes of games, some outrageous finishes (off the shoulder vs Norwich) and of course not forgetting setting up the winning goal in the Premiership finale.

People talk about him being a bit mad, a bit eccentric but isn't all this blown out of proportion?  If you see the guy interviewed, he comes across as someone fairly humble in my eyes, no better shown then when he dedicated the winning goal to his own mother (gush).

Ok, his disciplinary record may not be brilliant but why does it attract so much attention?  Is his tackling any worse than say a Paul Scholes (often Andy Gray would simply laugh at his tackling rather than criticise)?  Has he ever done anything as ridiculous and disgusting as Carlos Tevez did last season?  Wasn't it funny how everyone praised Mancini's handling of the Tevez affair when initially everyone said that he should never be allowed to play for that team again?  Ah, but Tevez could be the difference between winning the League people eulogised.  It seems certain individuals have short memories when it comes to certain people.

In my view, I think a lot of people look at him as an angry black man and judge him based on this horrible stereotype. People often says how that in his performances he often looks lazy and uninterested.  So you could say that basically, he performs a bit like Zlatan Ibrahimovic, who in contrast doesn't attract anywhere near as much stick.  Balotelli's goalscoring record stands up to anyone else's at his young age let's face it.  He also had to deal with a torrent of racist abuse from his own Italian fans when he was at Inter Milan so in my view, the guy deserves massive amounts of credit, way more than he has been getting.  The guy is only 21 for crying out loud, cut the guy some slack.

Come Sunday, he could well become a national hero, but you can almost bet your bottom dollar that if he doesn't give a world beating performance on Sunday night, people will be queuing up to lay into him , left, right and centre.  And I wonder why that may be?

Sunil

238

Magnum Look Ronaldo Fails To Do His Maths..

Saturday, 30 June 2012


So, another scintillating goal-fest in the Euros in the first Semi-Final between Spain and Portugal.  This was a real game for the purists, with attacking football at is finest, and chances being created nearly every minute in front of a capacity crowd who could barely control their excitement.

Ok, maybe not. In fact, aside from an interesting first half the game had about as much sparkle as a bottle of Blue Nun.  The game was so boring in fact, that I actually spent most of the game talking to my flatmate about an interesting Mathematics problem which had won me a bet at work.

The premise was that I had bet my colleague the princely sum of £5 that two people on my floor would have exactly the same birthday. Needless to say the poor mug accepted the challenge thinking that with only around 40 people, the probability would be next to zero.  Alas, he was merked in double quick time as it transpired that the girl sitting behind me actually had the same birthday as yours truly, 19th November (just in case you want to send a present later on in the year).  An easy way for all of you to make money really, all you need is around 40 people or more and you are nearly almost guaranteed to win it. If you are sad and want an explanation to this madness then let me know and I will send the answer to you via pen and paper.

Anyway, back to the game, and another man who failed to do his maths correctly.  That's right, the fake Ronaldo thought that by putting his name last on the shoot out list that he would help his team qualify for the final.  What was going through his mind I am not entirely sure.  Stupidity, arrogance or perhaps just pure selfishness?  Was he simply hoping to take all the glory?  Can he not count?  He may have been Portugal's best player but this idiotic decision showed a rather pathetic side to someone who was perhaps in contention for player of the tournament.

On another note, am I the only person getting annoyed with the ridiculous amount of preparation and posturing we see every time he takes a free kick?  I will confess that I don't see that much of La Liga these days so I am not sure how many set pieces he actually powers home, but it seems to be the amount of free kicks he misses by a mile seem to outweigh those that actually hit the onion bag.  Is he simply trying to imitate the Magnum look from Zoolander? Either way, its getting on my tit in a pretty big way


So, what of the Spanish?  More tedium and never-ending foreplay from our footballing hombres mean that they are resounding winners of "Cock-Tease of the Tournament."  They did try to start with a striker this time, but unfortunately for all of us, they started with the wrong one. The utterly hapless Negrido being hooked in the second half to be replaced by yet more midfielders.

Torres must be pretty mystified as to what's going on but Del Bosque's antics have got the Spanish to the final so I suppose he cannot really argue too much.  I just hope for everyone's sakes that they regain a cutting edge and attacking intent so that we can get the outstanding final to cap what in my view as been a disappointingly average tournament.

Sunil

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Peerless Pirlo helps send England packing

Tuesday, 26 June 2012


If there is to be one enduring image of England's last throws in Euro 2012 then it would surely be that of the magnificent Andrea Pirlo brilliantly chipping home from 12 yards. This penalty helped to switch the momentum of the shoot out and the rest as we know is history...(and those who read my previous article will see I actually predicted a penalty win for the Italians, I hope you all cashed in like I did)

It was fitting that Pirlo was to have such a wonderful individual moment after his exceptional display helped ruthlessly expose the functional and rigid midfield which was set out by England.  Those who watched the game will know that Scott Parker was so knackered that he had to be substituted and whilst his partner in crime Steven Gerrard was suffering with cramp after playing only for 70 minutes.  In the meantime, 78 year old Pirlo (slight exaggeration I know) was trotting around the pitch for a full 2 hours with all the energy and gusto of a 16 year old who had just had his first shag.  Embarrassing for England?  Ever so slightly.

Italy deserved to win in my view, no doubt about it. Aside from an early 15 minute spell where England should have taken the lead (and also a couple of blatant penalty shouts) the Italians dominated from start to finish with enough chances to have finished the game off well before the final shoot out.

What was probably the most galling for England fans was the way in which Pirlo bossed the whole game in its entirerity.  In this well known average Italian side, everyone knew before kick off that by stifling him and denying him time and space, England would have had a great chance of winning the game.

However, the 4-4-2 which had served England so well so far proved to be a complete mismatch. But Italy also play 4-4-2 I hear you cry.  The difference is that over the years, when playing 4-4-2 the English players do not have the flexibility or fluidity to work this in their favour.

The Italians used a rather obvious tactic but one which worked for the whole game pretty much unopposed. With Pirlo dropping deep to win the ball (often with no one within 20 yards of him), the 2 wide Italian players would tuck in slightly, drawing in Milner (& Young with them).  With these 2 options nullified, Pirlo would simply get his head up and spray it wide to the wide full backs and the play would build from there. Simples.

With possession surrendered so easily, it was no wonder that English players were chasing shadows for the whole game.  Anyone who has played the game will know that once you have chased the ball for so long, by the time you have got it back, you are too knackered to be able to do anything with it.

If anyone dare look back at the full match then you can probably count on one hand the amount of times that Buffon kicked the ball long, whereas Hart seemed to be clobbering the ball forward at every opportunity (even before the Gypsy was on the pitch).  Is this not just basic football sense?

England's ball retention has been poor for what seems an eternity now but throughout this tournament have we ever seen them put together a concerted amount of possession football together?  No, me neither.


So where do England go from here?  To be fair to Roy, I think he did probably the best he could do in this tournament. When you know you only have Henderson on the bench as back up, you know you have problems within the squad.  As all good managers do , he concentrated on making England hard to beat, and the defence has been fairly solid.  England also won the group which was probably beyond expectations of most people.

So what does Roy need to do?  The problem of England technical ability in possession is something that wont be addressed for years to come.  Roys tactics will be interesting going forward.  As a WBA fan, I have a better knowledge than most.

To put it simply, Roy prefers 4-4-2, no one in their right mind cannot deny that. However,although WBA eventually secured a comfortable mid-table finish, there were a lot of angry fans earlier on in the season (me included). All fans knew at the time that our players were best suited to a fluid 4-5-1 formation but Roy insisted on forcing players into his favoured 4-4-2 which led to a massive shortage of goals and one of the worst home records in the Premiership.

However, as things looked bleak, a shift to 4-5-1 in our away game at Wolves resulted in a 5-1 spanking over those utter, utter c*nts.  From then on, the rest was history as we comfortably strolled to mid-table safety having reverted to the formation the fans all wanted to see.

So perhaps there is promise that Roy may perhaps become more flexible depending what players he has at his disposal. With most team in world football tending to flood the midfield this is something which would need to be experimented with sooner rather than later (a bit like Capello tried in his last few games).

Roy's also general way of thinking is that his teams rarely play on the front foot and take the initiative. In one game at home against Swansea last year we conceded 80% of possession!  Over the course of a season, Roy's pragmatism will generally pay off but will this approach suit tournament football and knockout competitions. Will he have the cojones to really go for it when it comes to crunch? That will have to remain to be seen.

I suppose fundamentally we have to ask, do England really have the players to challenge at the highest level . The current squad members would suggest not, with a transition period set to be on the horizon.  One player who continues to mystify is Wayne Rooney. Once the golden boy for England he has continued to disappoint. Whilst he continues to fire regularly for Man Utd, has he really shown enough to convince fans he can lead England to former glories?  He looked woefully out of touch in the Euros and his goal record at Man Utd has been a series of gluts and famines. Does he really have the consistency and quality to be classed a truly great player at international level?  The jury is well and truly out.

One positive thing people may argue is that the players had heart and courage throughout this tournament but that is something which slightly annoys me.  How do we measure heart and courage in football?  Is it simply running around, closing down the opposition , making goal-line clearances?  Should it not be a given that all teams try and do these things? Is courage and heart just another way of saying that a team are not very good with the ball? If thats the case, then England have it in abundance.

Or is courage having the nerve to accept the ball in tight situations, to try and beat a man, to demand possession when no else wants it,  or look the opposition in the eye, take a chipped penalty and say "I am going to dominate you in this game and whether you like it or not "(alas Pirlo). If its the latter, then England have a long, long way to go.

Sunil