Dead Rubber Brings England No Joy

Tuesday, 24 June 2014

Let's be honest, you didn't click on this blog because you wanted to read about England's latest battle of attrition, you just wanted to look at this picture didn't you, you filthy animal? And if you did then I can't blame you.  Let's be honest, this is probably the most exciting thing you have seen at the World Cup from an English person (I have no idea if the girls are even English if I am honest).

Despite today's game being a dead rubber for England ( I have never understood this term btw, is it something to do with contraception?  It is a reference to an out of date condom? Answers on a postcard please), I made the slightly unfortunate decision to leave work early today to take up a seat at the battle cruiser near work to watch the English team take on the mighty Costa Rica.   A bit like arranging to meet up with an ex-girlfriend, the expectation of something good quickly descends into boredom and within minutes you have realised that you have made a mistake and you are looking for the quickest exit out of there.

Today's game was one of the worst I have ever seen in the tournament so far and left me feeling pretty despondent. Not because England were terminally average, but because they have contributed absolutely ZERO to this World Cup.

Aside from an early match, ( I think it involved Iran but the game escapes met) nearly every game has had moments of madness, excitement, drama, unbelievable skill, a great celebration or a manager going absolutely apoplectic on the touchline. Yes that's right, Miguel Hererra I am looking at you


In fact, even as I watch Greece vs Ivory Coast a last minute penalty has caused absolute bedlam.  Does anyone else get the feeling that England just have not been part of this World Cup?   I mean for God's sake, we didn't even get to see any Wags!  I cannot think of anything worse than being remembered for being a bit ordinary.  Have England provided more than 10 minutes of entertainment in any game?  Even when South Korea were getting humped 3-0 by Algeria the other night at least they came back out second half and gave it a go.

England being not that good you can kind of get used to, but at least be so monumentally shit that you let in fifty goals and provide some entertainment.  In today's game, why not just play two in defence and send everyone up front, at least it would be a bit of fun.  Instead we got another snoozefest from the team, with only a couple of dodgy penalty shouts to look at.  In fact, it's more interesting watching as to why Robbie Savage is coming onto Danny Murphy so strongly by wrapping his arm around him in the BBC Studio (something to share Robbie?).

I'm not sure what has happened in this tournament to England and my heart goes out to poor fans who went to Brazil to watch such a farce.  My only advice to them would be to take a stroll along Ipanema beach and check out some of the football street performers as it's likely they have more skill than the whole of the English football team.  Alternatively try and pick up a local with a dead rubber and play something I like to call "Russian Roulette"


The above joke was taken from someone else and is not a reflection of On The Bench.  As Tim Westwood once profoundly said "Strap It Up Before You Slap It Up"

Anyway, I should end this article with something football related

ENGLAND TILL I DIE (is that what we sing these days?)


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