***Roast Watch***

After literally hundreds of emails, I have decided to bring back the legendary Roast Watch. This week we can see Cristiano Ronaldo and Co getting involved with some roasting action and apparently Fergie is getting in on the act too.

ORGY' RON IS GIVEN A ROASTING BY FERGIE

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By Emma Donnan

Surely its Ronaldo who was the one doing the roasting. Some of the quotes from the hookers are just pure comedy, here are a couple of gems.



















"I heard Ronaldo say in Portuguese to one of his pals, 'Wow, look at those breasts', as we walked over." - So hookers are fluent in Portuguese these days. lol

"They didn't care about our feelings. They didn't even talk. They just moved our bodies into the right positions." You're hookers what did you expect, chocolates and engagement rings?

"It was huge and L-shaped. I couldn't believe I was there," said 18-year-old Tyese. "I felt like a WAG!" lol

"I put on a blue and gold mini dress and some really sexy black and white underwear from Tesco's which showed off my boobs and bum brilliantly." Tesco underwear? Classy.

Tyese added: "Then a man I later found out was Nani came in wearing only boxer shorts, swaggering about saying, ‘I am hot, I am hot'. I knew this wasn't going to be simple sex." Oh dear