Ref Justice, Broken Fetlock and Mr Potato Head.........

Well....how about that then, that feeling in my gut that the Toon would get a point wasn’t just the previous night’s Chinese.

The game itself wasn’t the most entertaining...although I did miss the opening 25 minutes due to being at a Christmas dinner. AdebayCAN SCORE, opened it up with a beautiful goal, but after that, the lack of Arsenal chances was quite out of character...that’ll be the lack of creativity I predicted then.

Newcastle for their part played as I expected, like their manager’s job depended on it. Maybe that statement they made was sincere. However, as with the honeymoon period that follows a new manager being in put place, I think they’ll be back to their usual ways within a couple of games.

Overall though, Newcastle deserved their point, and I don’t think Arsenal fans will be overly disappointed with a point in the arse end of nowhere on a cold December night. It’ll be interesting to see how they get on now against Boro on Sunday, the same players will be missing and whilst Boro have been pants this year, this will be a chance to raise their game and prove their not a bunch of wasters.

A mention for Mike Dean as well, what an absolute waste of space that man is. Twice in the final 5 minutes, Adebayor was threatening to break away from whatever rubbish defender was tracking him, and was twice bundled over quite clearly. Yet the useless wanker didn’t give a thing....joker.

Elsewhere on planet football, the Toffees got a late winner against the new Russian champions, and secured qualification to the last 32 of the UEFA Cup....but does anyone really care though. Maybe only if you had Arteta in your fantasy team and had to watch him miss a penalty.

On-the-Bench’s newly crowned worst diver (or should that be best?), Didier Drogba’s could be ruled out until February with a knee injury. Good news for the rest of the chasing pack, because as much as I hate the ugly cunt, he seems to bring a lot to the team. I’m sure Phillipe Senderos will be having much sweeter dreams knowing that there’s no chance he’ll have to face him next week. It’ll be interesting to see who replaces him up front, because the Chavs always seem a little light up front beyond the big man, Kalou and Shevchenko don’t quite pose the same threat, and is Pizarro even still alive?

The England manager search rumbles on, with Brian Barwick (or Mr Potato Head as he was compared to in one of those crap free London newspapers), trying desperately to find someone willing to take the job. The reports today are that his ‘short’list is Maureen, Cappello, Klinsmann (surely it would be suicide to appoint a German, personally I don’t give a flying fuck, but the xenophobia in the papers would be alarming...we’ve seen it before!), Lippi and O’Neill. Not a bad bunch really, but who seriously thinks he’ll get any of them. Barwick just doesn’t seem to have the personality to convince some of those greats to give up their life, and private life, for a cause they won’t exactly bleed for. We all know money talks, but imagine having that fuckwit as your potential boss. I’ve been getting major déjà vu about this whole process, this is how it all played out two years ago, and ended with McClown being appointed....my prediction, he dicks around for a few weeks, gets rejected by all the big guns (again), like a fat girl trying to get a prom date, and winds up with Fat Sam once the Toon has reverted to type.

Luis Hernandez

Worst Diver In The Premiership

Diving is a hot topic almost every week in the Premiership, none more so though when Cristiano Ronaldo was booked by Rob Styles after tumbling over Niemi's challenge at Old Trafford on Monday Night. There is no doubt in my mind that Ronaldo's reputation counted against him when Styles made his decision and if that is the case then perhaps there was some form of justice.

Diving is an increasingly technical art form. Who can forget Robert Pires a couple of years ago against Pompey when he managed to get penalty by kicking an opposition defender. Fast forward to today and there are number of players who are normally at the centre of any simulation scandal in today's game.

We have Steven Gerrard, though who maybe a brilliant footballer, can also be a prat of the highest order at times. Although he rarely dives on the floor without contact, he often will get a referee to give a free kick just by looking at him and imploring that he was indeed fouled. He also appears to have a way with words as proved when his spiel managed to convince Mark Clattenburg to send off Tony Hibbert when he was initially going to just book him.

Joe Cole at Chelski always seems to pretend that he has been shot in the back when ever he receives the slightest bit of contact. Either that, or he rolls around like a pregnant woman who has just had a nasty fall.

However, these boys came nowhere near to winning last week's vote which has seen Didier Drogba crowned as the worst diver in the Premiership.

As shown above, Didier is not the only person who makes meals of challenges, but the thing that gets on people's tits is that he is built like a brick shithouse yet screams like a girl if anyone makes the slightest bit of contact. If he was a little fucker then it would probably seem a bit more realistic but when you are arguably the biggest bully in the Premiership then it is hard to take.

The way the horse faced one tumbles to the ground at times is a disgrace and its as if a sniper is at pitch side. To be fair to Drogfather, he has admitted in a TV interview that he is in fact a cheat

"Sometimes I dive, sometimes I stand."

Drogba quickly backtracked on this statement, saying that it got confused in translation, but I think we all know he was telling the truth. Here is an example of the Ivorian's scandalous behaviour as shown last year against Liverpool.



Didier Drogba...you are officially the worst diver in the Premiership.

Sunil

Premiership Ups and Downs

Going Up






Liverpool, Carragher, Kuyt & Rafa

Words cannot describe how lucky Liverpool were on the weekend, and no one can deny the importance of this victory. A loss would have left Liverpool six points behind Arsenal, with them having a game in hand. With the Gooners visiting Anfield next weekend, a loss there would mean their title challenge was over before it even began. Carragher's challenge on Lescott in the final minute, was not only a penalty but was something that most WWE fans would call a finishing manoeuvre, and how Clattenburg missed it was criminal. Kuyt's attempt at a challenge was disgraceful, and in some countries could have probably lead to life imprisonment, and he was very very lucky to avoid a red card. It looked as though he was auditioning for a part in Rush Hour 4. Although we all know that Kuyt really should be used as a body double for Sloth from The Goonies











Clattenburg did seem to change his decision after influence from Stevie G, but i think the most worrying thing is that he needed to be reminded what the rules were. If the last man denies a clear goalscoring opportunity = red card, not yellow. Fact. Rafa Benitez set himself up for an almighty fall and mauling from the press. Taking off Stevie was seen by many as a sign of insanity. I still maintain that it was, because Sissoko was awful and he should have made way. But the introduction of the three substitutes won the Liverpool the match, with Lucas clearly playing with his brain rather than getting too excited in the derby game. Stevie was probably trying a bit too hard, is this a sign of future tension between Captain and Manager?

Man Utd & Rooney

They might as well call Villa Park, Old Trafford Part 2. Man Utd seem unable to lose here, no matter what happens. When Gabby opened the scoring, I actually thought Villa had a chance to finally avoid defeat at home to Man Utd, something they haven't done for 10 consecutive matches. I was wrong though, Zat Knight duly gifted them an equaliser , letting in Wayne Rooney at the back post after forgetting he was on a football pitch. They then conceded a second soon after, when the superb Wayne Rooney was afforded more space than Apollo 13, and duly placed the gift in the corner. Nigel Mediocre was then rightfully sent off for 2 stupid tackles, and then Scott Carson followed him, after he brought down Tevez in the box. Stuart Taylor was the only reason Man Utd didn't put 7 or 8 past Villa, and one thing you have to say is, Man Utd really are Champions.

Chelsea and Drogba

After Drogba's comments about leaving last week, what better way to repay your fans but with a goal to keep them on track. Chelsea fans will have to be content with the fact that this is Drogba's last season in blue colours, but I think the Ivorian will give his all to bring silverware back to the Bridge.

Arsenal Comedy & Theo

Arsenal beat their managerless bogey team, after Bolton produced a resolute defensive display not reminiscent of recent form. For 60 minutes Bolton looked like the team who often frustrated the Gooners, but Arsenal just refuse to drop points at home with Kolo getting the first and Theo finally having some much needed composure to set up Rosicky for the 2nd. With games against Liverpool and Man Utd coming up, getting the three points here was essential. I think the highlight of the game was Emmanuel Adebayor's attempt to round the keeper, in which he fell over and crumbled like a stacked Jenga game. Hilarious.

Benjani

As much as I hate the stupid celebration, who would have thought he would be top of the goalscoring charts at this stage of the season?

Kenwynne Jones

This guy is a man mountain, with attributes similar to Drogba's, he is an absolute animal and if Sunderland hope to stay up then they need this man to stay on form.

Man City & Elano

Are Man City actually the real deal? One things for sure, Elano is the best player in the Premiership at the moment.

Green

Why hasn't he been given a chance for England?

Tugay

There was nothing gay about the Turk's delightful (see what I did there?) 35 yarder on Saturday as he helped Rovers to a 4-2 win over Reading. Shame that only his family were there to watch it as Rovers continue to struggle to attract the fans.

Steve Coppell

Its refreshing to see when a manager admits he was wrong instead of blaming the referee, the fans, the pitch or the players. Everyone in football appreciates honesty and the Reading's boss frank post match interview are a delight to watch. I am not sure he will ever admit that signing Michael Duberry was a mistake though.

Going Down









Phil Neville

Phil Neville could have been in the "Going Up" section, because he seemed to prove himself a worthy replacement for Paul Robinson to be England's number one goal keeper. I think what he did is the worst form of cheating. He denies a perfectly good goal by using his hand, and duly gets sent off. Could you imagine the uproar if Kuyt had missed the penalty? I think in this situation a penalty goal should be awarded, similar to what we see in Rugby. This will deter imbeciles like Phil Neville from performing these kinds of "heroics". Many may say that he was sent off, and so was duly punished, but in the 92nd minute of the game this means nothing, and he would have felt vindicated had Kuyt not converted the spot kick. I think a ten game ban is in order. Disgraceful.

Craig Gordon

Quite possibly the unluckiest own goal you will ever see, from a superb goalkeeper.

Derby & Fulham

Will Derby ever score an away goal? If Fulham cant score at home to a team that's conceded 15 goals in 3 games, what hope do they have of staying up this season.

Mark Clattenburg & Referees

Probably the only referee that I respected, but after his performance in the Merseyside derby, its difficult to see any light at the end of the tunnel for the men in black. It's becoming more and more problematic, as we see more and more senior players influencing the referees decisions. If the referees haven't got the balls to stand up to these players, then what hope is there for the beautiful game?

Rafa

Rafa is both a winner and loser this week. Rafa's comment that he thought that Lescott had dived was probably the funniest thing I have heard this month. I should congratulate him for saying it with a straight face really. It's nearly as funny as his goatee. But not quite.