Who's Worse....Alan Smith or Emmanuel Eboue?

I write this article as I watch Emmanuel Eboue miss a golden chance to put Arsenal ahead in the San Siro. By the time I get to the end of this article we will find out if this miss was to ultimately prove crucial.

Watching the terrible miss made me realise what a shambolic player this guy is. He can't cross, he can't tackle and he sure as hell can't shoot. And aside from that he is one of the most despicable characters in the game, with his play acting tactics, his filthy tackles and his insistence of trying to get opposition players booked by waving an imaginary card. I am sat here thinking, he surely in total is one of the most horrible footballers in the modern game?

But then I thought, hold on what about a certain Yorkshire cunt-head called Alan Smith, currently plying his trade at Newcastle. To be fair to Smithers, he did show some early promise at Leeds United under David O' Leary and many people seemed to revel in his "never say die attitude". However, I personally thought that Alan Smith was a filthy bastard, always flying late into tackles and winding up the opposition for no apparent reason other than to try and get them embroiled in a fight.

Smith cried when Leeds got relegated from the Premiership but those tears were quickly wiped away I am sure when he joined the team Leeds hate more than anyone, Manchester United. His Judas stature in Leeds folklore was secure.

Smith's tenure at Man Utd started off pretty well but soon descended into mediocrity as Fergie, realising that Smudger was a shit striker, attempted to deploy him as a midfielder, with equally disastrous results. Fergie's attempts to turn him into the next Roy Keane turned out to be as effective as turning Hurley from Lost into a supermodel.

Smith broke his leg against Liverpool and during this spell on the sidelines he scored as many goals as if he would have been playing. None.

In the summer, Smith moved to Newcastle for a whopping £6m, despite only 7 goals in 61 games for Man United, a truly terrible record for a striker. That's almost a worse scoring record than me (almost).

However, Smith has tried to excel himself in his ineptitude by scoring no goals for Newcastle so far. It is actually true that if you stuck a monkey up front then they couldn't have a worse record. In fact, why not just play with 10 men. Add to this the fact that he is still a thug and the only thing Smith can be proud of is that he once banged Gemma Atkinson, though having heard her sex-ploits, she probably has a pussy like a wizard's sleeve (or clown's pocket, take your pick).

Rumour has it that Smith also has an IQ of 88, a score so low I didn't know it existed.

So who would you rather not have in your team, Smith or Eboue? As the guy from Blind Date would say, the choice is yours

Sunil

P.S As I write this Adebayor has just secured a 2-0 win meaning that Eboue's howler was not punished.

P.P.S Even as a closet Gooner, I wish people would stop going on about this "team spirit". That term is something only used when teams win isn't it, where does it go when team's lose eh? So shut the hell up about it.