Prat of the Month........

There are a few contenders for our first award of the season, with the most notable being Rob Styles and Daniel Levy.

You don’t need me to remind you of the penalty that never was, but at the end of the day, nobody is perfect and so for the purposes of this award Mr Styles shall not be receiving an accolade for what was simply an unintentional balls up.

On the other hand, Daniel Levy’s handling of the Jolgate has been nothing short of scandalous and his antics have done nothing to quell the rumours of discontent. In fact, they have done exactly the opposite and added fuel to the fire that everyone’s favourite Dutchman shall soon be getting the boot. However, at the end of the day, Levy has actually come out and given his manager a belated show of support.

More than can be said for the dubious winner of Prat of the Month. Step forward Milan Mandaric (should that be Mad-daric?), who has come storming through the field to claim a last gasp victory.

Milan Mandaric has just sacked Martin Allen of Leicester City a mere four games into the season. In fact, Leicester have just handed out a spanking to one of the promotion favourites Watford and looked in decent shape. Also add to this the fact that Allen had been handed a large transfer kitty and made a vast amount of signings as he looked to take Leicester back the promised land and the decision to get rid of him seems even more bizarre.

Mandaric’s reasoning for the parting of ways?

"Given our respective visions for the club, it was decided that it would be in everybody's best interests if we parted company," said Mandaric.

Excuse me? Your respective visions? So what exactly did you discuss in the interview Milan? How many sugars Martin liked in his tea? Surely if you had different visions this could have been figured out at an earlier stage, rather than before you gave Allen a whole wodge of money to spunk on new players. Even if you believed Allen’s vision at the start of the season, how, after 4 games can you see that this direction has changed? YOU BLOODY CAN’T YOU PRAT!

It also appears that Martin Allen was one of the first on the scene to help out defender Clive Clarke when he recently collapsed during a cup game with Nottingham Forest. No sympathy from Milan though who promptly gave Martin the boot the week after. It was a bit like taking out a girl on Valentines day, then deciding to dump her the next day.

Why should we trust Milan’s judgment. This is coming a from a man who sacked Redknapp for the same reason as Allen then went crawling back a season later to save his team from relegation. Thankfully, Martin is more of a man than Harry and won’t be doing the same. Hopefully he will find a chairman more deserving of his talents.

Milan Mandaric, you are officially Prat of the Month.

Itchy Feet....

Dedicated in loving memory to Martin Jol…..

Chairmen of premiership football teams are archetypal men. They’re easily bored, easily tempted and nearly always get caught with their pants down. Take the chairman of Tottenham, David Levy. Never mind the fact that Spurs have finished 5^th the last two seasons, Levy now wants a top 4 team. And he appears to doubt Martin Jol, his manager, is the man to give it to him.

Levy behaves like the leader of the cool gang in an American high school. Picture the scene: Levy in the playground surveying all the managers, suddenly realises he’s not satisfied with his simple high school hottie, Jol. He wants someone new, someone all the other chairmen will be jealous of. Enter Juande Ramos, the Sevilla manager. He’s hotter than Jol, much admired and exotic to boot. Levy wants him, and what Levy wants, Levy gets. Now he isn’t just going to stroll over and start chatting up Ramos. Firstly, he’s got a rep to protect, and secondly, he’s still got his current squeeze Jol knocking about. So he does what any self-respecting ‘cool’ gang leader would do, he sends over 2 of his minions to feel Ramos out. Naturally, though, in typical high school movie fashion, the minions aren’t exactly stealth. The illicit party are spotted together in a hotel. Excellent work boys! Now, Levy and co. can use Shaggy’s “I didn’t do it” line all they like, but Jol’s no fool and neither are we. Ramos whilst clearly embarrassed about being outed as ‘that kind’ of manager will no doubt get over it, and stand by his newly acquired man. I expect we’ll see the happy couple parading around White Hart Lane very soon.

So, clearly, football is a harsh game; barely 3 weeks into the premiership campaign and the big man from Holland looks like he’s on his way out. Not a fait a complis just yet, but, so sure are those in the know, his own wife has booked a late summer family holiday in September.

The only possible hope for Jol now, is a resounding thumping of Man United this Sunday. Granted, Man United are experiencing a bit of ‘mare at the moment, in that no one seems to want to score (a bit of a problem in this game), but Spurs just aren’t the sorts to kick a team when their down. They’re nice like that.

So, my suggestion: if you can find a bookie still taking bets, put a couple of quid on Martin to win the sack race. He’ll see you right.

Charlotte

Spurs Get Tuesday Blues.....

Spurs 1 Everton 3

What can I say about Spurs? Total and utter shambles, though to be fair to them they have been very unlucky with injuries. But you seriously have to question Martin Jol’s purchases in the transfer market. Everton were by far the superior side, and surely with the aging midfield they have you would have thought that Spurs could make an impact, but clearly they could not. Now imagine a glamour model, for the glamour model to succeed she needs to be well rounded in all areas, so she spends money on a stomach tuck and a nose job, but unfortunately she won’t be successful because she has a flat chest. There you have it, Spurs have a flat chest, and with the likes of Jenas in there you might as well call it concave. Jenas and Zakora were totally outclassed by Arteta, who is fast becoming one of the best players in the Premiership.

Darren Bent did not impress on his home debut, but he got the kind of service you would expect from an Indian call centre, and he can’t expect it to get much better until key players return from injury and Spurs buy some quality midfielders. Everton looked very solid, and will be expected to push the top four until the end of the season, with Arteta and Osman looking particularly classy. Jol needs to buy some decent midfielders, or expect to be to be in serious trouble this season.