Premiership Ups and Downs

Going Up

Liverpool & Torres

Liverpool recorded only their second home win of the season and remain undefeated after a superb cameo appearance from Fernando Torres. For a team apparently in crisis, they were only 3 points off the top of the Premiership on Saturday, what will happen if they actually start playing well again. In Torres they have a truly world class player who can produce a moment of magic at any given moment. Rafa did not rotate the team after the 8-0 thrashing midweek, but it is simply impossible for him to leave a player of Fernando’s quality on the bench. If Liverpool can keep him fit, and get back some of the other injured stars, we might start saying it their year again, Liverpool are once again turning corners.

Man Utd & Ronaldo

Cristiano Ronaldo now has 26 goals in 51 games, which is a very impressive return for a winger who literally has everything, even a taste for a good prostitute. He may often bottle the big games, and have permanent residence in Ashley Cole’s pocket but he is having another great season, and has 10 goals already. Man Utd sit firmly on top of the Premiership again, and even without Rooney you can see them staying there or there abouts for the rest of the season.

Tottenham & Berbatov

Tottenham actually won another game, who would have thought it. Even at 3-0 nil I was still thinking of ways that they could throw away another lead, but somehow they didn’t. I think even Berbatov had time to smile, he’s like a sulking school child at the moment, who clearly does not want to be there, but I’m sure finally getting out of the relegation zone should cheer him up. His all round performance was a masterclass in wonderful football, and even though he has reiterated his desire to stay, I’m not buying it. Tottenham have to be pleased, there standards have dropped like mine would after 10 pints, so forget a top 4 finish, they can celebrate finally being out of the bottom 4.

Tim Cahill

Was out injured for a long time, and has come back and continued to bang in the goals, one of the best goal scoring midfielders around at the moment.

Agbonlahor

I honestly thought he would be more useful in the Great Britain 4x100 relay team, but I have to say he is starting to look like a decent player, and if you score the winner in your local derby, you’ve clearly had a good day.

Going Down

Derby

Should I even bother mentioning them anymore, they are perpetually going down, like a porn star in her prime. Conceding 5 goals at home to West Ham, who are missing their best strikers is simply awful.

Bentley

I know footballers are not the brightest sparks in the world, but surely spelling your own name is probably the easiest thing you will ever do, so how did he not notice that they had spelt it wrong?

John Motson

Apparently Cahill’s goals was a typical goal for him according to Motty, how many overhead kicks does one player score in his life for it to be typical. Time to hang up the mic Motty.

Wigan

I’m not going to praise Jenas for his 2 goals, but Id rather berate Wigan for allowing the invisible man of football to score and almost get a hat trick, similar to getting knocked out by a man with no arms.

Bolton

They cant even give away tickets.

Is It Our Year?

Being a Liverpool fan has been difficult in recent times, we have been befouled with a distinct lack of quality for many years, despite impressive performances in the Champions League, this cannot mask the inadequacies we have had in our squad in recent years. The Champions League was the make up that graces many a unattractive girl on the weekend, but in reality when it’s washed off, you cannot hide the blemishes. Liverpool fans have waited 17 long years for a league title, and for the most celebrated and successful team in the country that simply is not good enough. We have had to endure some torturous Premiership years, seeing our biggest rivals dominate, whilst we had to suffer the indignity of fighting for the last Champions League places. But now things are changing, Liverpool now have investment, a fantastic new stadium and a squad better than anything we have seen in the last 10 years.

Fans of other clubs will continue to provide many a reason why they think Liverpool will continue to underachieve in the league. They will say “Rafa rotates too much”, “you aren’t good away from home”, “you are a one man team” “you can’t score goals”. Years before this may have been true, but gone are the days of Bruno Cheyrou, the legend of Igor Biscan, Djimi Traore, Salif Daio, Bolo Zenden, Morientes, Dudek and Cisse. In ealier years Rafa would rotate his team and bring in ineptness, when a player like Zenden makes your Champions League final 11, you really have to question the squad you have. He may be the worst player to play on a Champions League final. Losing that final last year was a blessing in disguise. To win it would have covered up the deep rooted problems we had, but thankfully Rafa has spotted all of this and rectified all the problems we have in our squad.

The Defence

Liverpool have only conceded two goal so far this season and both of those were from penalties, one of which was highly contentious. In Finnan we have one of the most underrated players in the league, and one of the best right backs in the world. Arbeloa is a class act and has come leaps and bounds at left back this season. Carragher bleeds Liverpool red, and his passion for the club makes him a world class defender. Agger is simply a great talent, after he was taught a footballing lesson by Drogba in the first leg of the Champions League, he came back to produce a match winning performance at Anfield to control the animal that is Drogba. The likes of Traore could only dream of getting into this team, in comparison to earlier years where Djimi was our first choice left back. Comical is the word.

The midfield we have now is probably one of the best in the world, I think we have all heard the new song, but you can’t deny the quality we have right now. Monster Masch is just that, a monster. His hunger to win the ball is like a 16 yr old boy on the hunt for his first sexual experience, he is relentless and his distribution is also top notch. Alonso has not discovered the form he had in earlier years but his distribution is still impressive, but I feel it’s only a matter of time before Monster takes his starting spot. Momo was once the worst passers of the ball I have ever seen, he couldn’t pass wind, probably couldn’t even play pass the parcel, but this season he has been rejuvenated and has improved massively considering the pressure he is now under for a starting spot. He also has the honour of scoring the 7000^th goal for Liverpool FC. What more needs to be said about Gerrard, simply one of the best midfielders in the world, his influence and drive will carry Liverpool very far.

Attacking options

Last season we had to deal with the likes of Zenden to provide a creative spark for our strikers, a man who couldn’t deliver a pizza let alone a good ball in the box. Harry Kewell who as talented as he is, is clearly made of wet paper and Speedy Gonzales who promised so much but literally gave nothing, and was ousted by Zenden in the starting line up, that’s similar to having your girlfriend stolen by the elephant man. This season things are different, Riise has move into midfield, Ryan Babel is a class addition and looks a real threat, Pennant is beginning to show the world how good he really can be, he has been our best player so far this season and I’m expecting him to get better. I was miffed when we signed Benayoun, but he has impressed me greatly so far, but I still miss little Luis.

Upfront things look a lot different, last season we had a misfit in the shape of Bellamy, GOD, who was brilliant but he was clearly past his prime, Kuyt who seems to be afraid of the penalty box and the legend that is Peter Crouch. We struggled for goals and lacked the real quality to compete. This season we have a porn star and El Nino. Voronin, the pony tailed genius, looks a snip at free transfer and has looked impressive so far and knows how to put the ball in the net, whilst Torres provides us with some genuine pace, skill and power upfront, something we haven’t had for a long time. Ten goals in two games suggests we won’t have trouble scoring this season, but the quality of the opposition wasn’t exactly great.

1 – "Not good away from home" – Already picked up two wins at places we would have struggled to win at last season

2 – "Rafa rotates too much" – yes he does, but he does it to keep players fresh, last season he rotated and brought in genuine crap, this season he is rotating and bringing in genuine class.

3 – "You are a one man team" – we have lost our two best players and have still produced wonderful performances, even without Stevie we have enough quality to cover his absence, losing Stevie is not a problem.

4- "Your strikers cannot score goals" – Our strikers have all scored a couple this season already which bodes well for the future, I think Torres and Voronin is a massive step up from Bellamy and Fowler.

Can we win the league this season? Yes potentially we can, and the squad progression suggest that we will go a lot closer this year. The future looks good, and I think the rest of the Premiership knows it.