Porn St*rs, Scratch and Sniff and Balls from Outer Space

Happy Monday everyone. After this weekend’s events, there are a few questions which need answering, so let’s take a look

        1)   Why is Harry Kane taking corners?

Whilst I toyed with the idea of Roy Hodgson having a personal vendetta against me due to me having a Harry Kane to score anytime wager against Russia, I think it’s fair to say that the whole of the country is completely perplexed as to why Tottenham’s main marksman is on corner taking duties

A quick perusal of the stats for the season shows that Kane has not had one assist from a corner throughout the whole season. In fact, he doesn’t even take them for Spurs, it’s mainly Christian Eriksen.

Apparently, it’s because he can “strike the ball well” which to me translates to “he can kick a ball”. Not sure why Messrs Alli, Rooney, Lallana would not be able to do exactly the same and give England the chance of having the opportunity to be in the box to actually stick it in the net.

For me it's a bit like being a famous porn star and instead of being asked to be the main star to instead step behind the camera and direct the movie. Hardly the smartest idea in the world. Come on Woy, sort it out!

2      2)   What was Joachim Low smelling?

There is a lot about to admire about the Germans, be it there ability to always get a result, their mental strength or also Joachim Low's wonderful head of hair. However, on thing I am not sure about is his personal hygiene. What exactly was going on here?  Some bizarre real life version of Scratch and Sniff?

Not content with one effort, the German manager went for another. Thankfully for everyone else, he did not go on to complete an unwanted hat trick!

Closer inspection reveals that Low actually does have previous on this.  Just ask Cristiano Ronaldo!

3) Where did Modric's ball come from?

Luka Modric spanked in a wonderful goal on the weekend with the ball appearing to drop from miles in the sky before being laced beautifully into the bottom corner. A few people have asked where the ball had dropped from, with some quoted as saying it had dropped in from outer space.  

However, the correct answer is that the ball had finally returned from this famous penalty miss from Chris Waddle in Italia 90. If you watch the videos straight after each other then you will see it all makes sense...honest

Sunil

Cher, Welsh Bastards and Not Quite Justice for the England XI

Albania 0-1 Switzerland

So first up today was the titanic battle between Albania vs Switzerland which truth be told was probably a better game than most people had expected.  I missed the first half as I was out doing a bit of shopping for my holiday to the Euros. However, instead of the usual purchase of t-shirts and shorts I decided to buy a bullet proof vest and a hard helmet having witnessed the recent scenes in Marseilles.

The main talking point off the match was the fact that each side was fielding a brother from the same family for the first time in Championship history, Messrs Granit and Taulant Xhaka.

I will admit that was fairly interesting but of more interest to me was the fact that the winner was scored by none other than Cher!  Amazing stuff. Added to fine performances by Shakira and Chaka Khan and it looks like their tactic of fielding a line-up of female popstars was a major instrument in their ability to pick up a vital three points.

Bales 2 Slovakia 1

Great scenes in Bordeaux as a Gareth Inspired Bales beat Slovakia 2-1 thanks to a late winner from the magnificently named Hal Robson-Kanu.  I’m not sure if this guy is the bastard son of Bryan Robson and Nwankwo Kanu but if he continues to score late goals like that he will be held in the same regard as the aforementioned.Not the cleanest of strikes but I don't think any of the watching Welsh army would be bothered by that, as long as the ball hits the back of the onion bag that's all that matters

A thoroughly deserved win and a result which firmly puts the pressure on England against the Russians in Marseilles

Spurs/England 1 – 1 Russia

It was agony for England as a last gap equaliser from the Russians thwarted their hopes of securing their first ever winin the opening match of a European Championships. With the game looking like it was over, a towering header from Berezutski looped over Joe Hart to leave the England XI shattered.

Hodgson’s side started very firmly on the front foot with the triumvate of Alli, Rooney and Dier controlling the game in the middle of the pitch and with good width offered by the full backs Walker and Rose. Chances came and went with Lallana probably missing the best chance when he screwed the ball wide following a wonderful build up

However, the game remained goalless at half time and the Russians came out with added intensity after the break and pegged England back for the first 10 minutes or so. It was not long though before England resumed control with Rooney again driving the team forward and he was desperate unlucky when he was denied by a world class save.

With chances coming and going  it looked like it was going  to be one of those nights when up stepped Eric Dier in the 73^rd minute to slam home a free kick from close range and to send the England fans into rapture.

Unknown to me, I was alerted by my friend Mark who had noticed a slightly unusual bit of commentary as both sides re-assembled for kick off

“JUSTICE FOR THE ENGLAND XI!!” proclaimed Clive Tydesley

Now I think we can all appreciate that Clive has said the odd daft thing in his time but most of us probably don’ t mind that and he is pretty popular due to his chummy/matey kind of commentary

Following this statement though I had to do some research to find out what the England team had done to deserve justice. I quickly went through the game in my mind and could not recall any bad penalty calls, incorrect red cards or dodgy offside decisions.

I then moved onto the team’s history together and could not find any wrongful imprisonment or accusations. So, it looks like Clive’s cry for justice was based on the fact that England had not taken their chances during the game….er…and that’s it. Not sure what you had been smoking Clive but probably best to leave such comments on the notepad in the future.

The game was followed by more unsavoury scenes in the stands which has meant that I will once again have to step up my efforts to protect myself for when I head to Marseilles in a couple of weeks.

Here is the latest item I have ordered, hopefully this will do the business! If you see me, give me a wave!

Enjoy today's games, I will be back later on tomorrow!

Sunil

Willy Wonka, Eddie Izzard and Magnificent Beards

As the self-described greatest football blog ever made, I appreciate that I should probably be providing some incisive analysis about the games being played on the pitch but I am going to ease in and instead first just elaborate my thoughts on the disastrous opening ceremony.

Things seemed to start off reasonably well, although Clive Tydesley probably wished that commentating on this sort of nonsense was not part of his job description, sounding like a thoroughly pissed off Terry Wogan at the Eurovision Song Contest (except without the late Irishman’s delicious irony).  You could almost hear him grimace as he commented on people dressed as giant lips….“they are famous for their kisses you know”. Poor bastard.

The music seemed reasonably on point with the Can Can and “La Vie en Rose” being blasted out on high and nothing seemed too worrying at this point. Then after a few more minutes I thought that I had dropped an E and been transported to the set of Charlie and the Charlie Factory, such was the madness that was going on in front my eyes.

Then, even more bizarrely, the organisers decided to wheel out a certain David Guetta who was prancing around and twiddling his knobs (watch it you filthy animals) as if he was closing out a set in Ibiza. I wasn't sure if he had arrived their unannounced as he looked completely out of place

Now, I appreciate the guy's enthusiasm but playing Black Eyed Peas and Akon?!? Really? Who on earth thought that would be a good idea?  I just wish he had gone the whole hog and blasted out “Sexy Bitch”, at least then we might have had some bikini clad women run out onto the pitch to help improve proceedings

Meanwhile, fresh his embarrassing performance on Question Time, Eddie Izzard was providing his football expertise within the ITV studios. Wait a minute..what’s that you say..it was Slaven Bilic?  Are you sure…? OK maybe that's just me then

Anyway, it's time for the bit you have all been waiting for. The match report!  Except that I can't be bothered any more to write a lot on this subject so I will stick to a brief summary instead

1) Payet really is the sh*t, if he continues to play like this he could be the standout performer for France. What a hit son

2) Giroud really does have a magnificent beard doesn't he?  (and also earnt me £11.50 so merci beaucoup Olivier!)

3) France probably won't win it if they keep defending like they have done tonight

Right, I'm off to catch up on Love Island. Just kidding obviously. Except I'm not

And last but not least..........Come on IN-GER-LAND!!!

Sunil

Guess who's back....back again

The eagle eyed amongst you would have noted that two years ago after the greatest ever World Cup had been concluded, I said that I would be posting during the Euros due to the likelihood of my life having not been sorted out.  Thankfully, that is actually is what has happened. Whilst I should be spending my next few months looking for gainful employment, planning a wedding and organising some home improvements (what a sorry state of affairs my life has become),  I have decided to abandon all of the aforementioned and decided to spend every day for the few next weeks watching every single game of the tournament, as well as trying to keep on top of the social media frenzy, just for your pleasure! It's a hard job but someone has to do it.

It's actually hard to believe we first posted on this blog around 10 years ago and so much has happened in everyone's lives and in the footballing world since that time.  On a personal note I have managed to scramble onto the property ladder, travel half the world, sleep with 37.5 women, appeared on a TV documentary and written for a magazine whilst in the footballing world, Sepp Blatter has been finally been felled, Steven Gerrard made the costliest slip in Premier League History and Arsenal have finally won a league title! (ok, one of those on the list was a lie)

Anyway, as you can expect, the format is not going to change for this tournament. We'll have scathing comments on each game, WAGs galore, commentary capers as well as all the fantastic and funny observations from Twitter, Instagram and such like.  I would like to believe that the legendary Roastwatch would be making a re-appearance but I think it's fair to say that in today's world it will be harder for any professional footballers to be getting up to such shenanigans so I wouldn't hold out too much for any Vardy Party action.

On a final sobering note, I will be actually attending Euro 2016 in person as I have been fortunate enough to nab tickets for the Quarter Final and Semi Final in Paris and Marseilles.  Thankfully for me, France is currently the safest country on the planet so I actually can't wait to get over there and get involved.

(As there is an extreme likelihood I could be making my way back in a coffin, I would like to take this opportunity to ask you all for a small donation in order to help pay for my likely funeral expenses)

Roll on Friday!

Sunil

All Hail Ze Germans

So the greatest ever World Cup is over and with a fitting finale to end it all. The Argentina Vs Germany game was not a classic by any means, but thoroughly absorbing nonetheless and with a truly wonderful strike from Goetze settling matters on the biggest stage of them all.

I'm too upset that the tournament has ended that I am not going to write too much, other than to say that last week I found a total of £15 (amazing I know), money which I decided to soundly invest by sticking it alongside a rather larger sum of Ze Germans, who thankfully didn't disappoint.

As one of my friends perhaps dubiously surmised "When are the Germans going to get their karma?  I mean, they have great footballers, great looking women and a thriving economy, what more do they need?".

Thanks to all for staying tuned away, providing that I haven't sorted my life in in 2 years (an extremely distinct possibility), then I will see you all at the Euros

Sunil

Brazil 1 - Germany 7 (Seven)

A close friend of mine recently sent me a link of an epic fail on the Crystal Maze, something which was so catastrophic and hilarious that I never thought that I would see it repeated in the near future.  It really is worth a look

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4GgXzoZ3mo

Nonetheless, my doubts about seeing another embarrassment were banished almost instantaneously with the completely ridiculous capitulation by the Samba Boys against our European neighbours, those oh so canny Germans

I am sure that everyone has already trudged through the now obligatory post mortem and this apparently is the most tweeted about a sports match in Twitter history.  Numbers of other jokes and comments have also been passed around the internet at an exponential rate so I will intersperse my favourites throughout my musings on the catastrophe in the Estadio Mineirao.

I was watching the game in a local pub with a couple of mates and we were commenting on how fierce and passionate the Brazilian players were had been in each game so far during the national anthem so much so that the players had often been reduced to tears.  Expecting the same again, I looked up at the TV to see the same shenanigans going on, only this time I was astonished to see that Neymar had died!  I thought the poor bastard had just broken his back but when I saw that Luiz and Cesar were holding his shirt aloft I realised that he must have passed away on the same day.  I'm not entirely sure how this did not make bigger news. Either way, the home fans seemed to be in buoyant mood and ready to banish their memories of that World Cup Final defeat in 1950 to Uruguay (boy oh boy they probably wished they hadn't ask for that event to be forgotten).

• "The most embarrassing semi since I went to to see Brokeback mountain with my Dad"

The game started fairly slow paced with nothing really between the teams until a well worked set piece gave the Germans a lead via the irrepressible Thomas Muller, many people's outside bet for top scorer.  Whatever people think of him, you cannot help but admire his talent. I for one, like the fact he doesn't "look" like a modern day footballer.  He looks a little bit like Steve Claridge, with his unorthodox style and socks often around his ankles and I also find that he does not know how to celebrate either pretty amusing. I think its fair to say you won't be getting any choreographed celebrations from this chap

• "The clean up to this one is going to take longer than Chernobyl" (this one is mine, sorry for the self love)

However, what was to happen in the next 30 minute was staggering beyond belief. Being a WBA fan, I have seem some capitulations in my time but I have come to expect it. This on the other hand was pretty unforeseeable. A well worked goal allowed Miroslav Klose to double the lead before further calamitous defending from Luiz and Fernandinho allowed Kroos and Khedira to join the party and send the home fans into tears and the Germans into raptures

• "Even Oscar Pistorius has a better defence than the Brazilians"

At this point, I am pretty sure that no one was entirely sure what was going on although I would imagine that at this point Alan Hansen must have thought that all his Christmases had come at once.  The guy was probably having a fit at half time.  I can just imagine him now saying to Gary Lineker at half time "We've only got 15 minutes? I've got enough coverage here for a week!"

The way the Brazilians folded like a pack of cards was pretty unforgivable if you ask me. It's one thing to get beaten but to lose by just giving up is serving a major injustice to your fans and country alike.  We've all been through a dry spell at various times but I think even the most inept of us could have scored against this set of players. No tracking back, jumping out of tackles, turning your back to the ball and wandering completely out of position are what this Brazlian team are to be known for.

Queue half time then. Never has the phrase "if this was a boxing match, it would have been stopped a long time ago" ever been more appropriate.  

• "Last time I saw a Brazilian get f*cked by so many Germans was on Pornhub"

The 2nd half was slightly more respectable but by there were still further goals to follow including an absolutely fabulous strike from Schurrle which really put the icing on the cake.  Oscar finally bagged a late consolation but by this time half the fans had probably already left to join the riots outside the stadium. In fact, the fans probably wished that the stadium had actually collapsed, much like a lot of people were anticipating prior to the World Cup

Now first things first, I would like to comment on some of the rather now spurious and lazy comments from pundits and such like that the Germans were devastatingly "efficient" in their execution.  I'm surprised some people did not just add in that they were "just following orders to devastating effect". The truth is, this wasn't efficiency,  this was world class football of the highest order and due credit should have been given.  Admittedly, they were up against a compete and utter shambles but you can only  admire the way they sliced through the Brazilian defence time after time with some brilliant passing and movement.  If ever there was an archetypal Brazil-type performance then the Germans produced it. A far cry from their match up in the 2002 Final, the tables had well and truly turned last night which is a credit to the way the Germans have revamped their footballing style over the last 10 years or so.  The heat map below confirms their dominance in yesterday's proceedings.

On a lighter note, I actually commented in the pub that they would have to put the word "seven" in brackets as per the old Videprinter days and then low and behold the BBC actually did this exact thing, great scenes! Not sure if they were they were themselves being serious or if they were taking the p*ss.

So what now for the Brazilians? With the memories of the 1950 World Cup final now possibly vanquished forever , this set of fans and players will be scarred for life almost certainly. One way forward could be for the players to change their kit again, and it would be argued that with the way they surrendered they should perhaps switch back to wearing all white although I would imagine its unlikely this will happen. It's likely that they may have sweeping reforms across the game in order to bring back the type of football that they were renowned for.  

Anyway, it looks like the Argentina game is heading for penalties so I am going to focus my attentions on that.  I will leave the final say on the Brazil Vs Germany to Mr Ron Burgundy

Sunil

Sideshow Bob Scorcher and The Biggest Balls In World Sport

Unless you are currently another planet, then you will realise that today is the biggest game in the tennis calendar, the Men's Wimbedon Final, with Novak Djokovic taking on the greatest player every, Roger Federer (all those saying it's Nadal can do one!).  To win this title takes everything required of an athlete including monumental bottle. Talking of which, one of my friends used to joke that Pete Sampras had the biggest balls in World Sport.  Whenever the chips were down and the pressure was on, he would deliver. He could be down 0-40 in the final set facing three Championship points, but when it mattered would step up to the plate and slap down five aces in a row.

However, I think that this title must be now be passed to the slightly better looking version of Steve Bruce, a certain Mr Louis Van Gaal.  He's already made some big decisions in this tournament, with a dazzling array of tactical switches and substitutions. However, his decision to bring on a "specialist" keeper for the penalty shoot out (Tim Krul had only saved 2 penalties in his Newcastle career) is one of the most staggering things I have ever seen.  I am sure this has possibly happened many times before but the only time I can remember when Leicester City brought on Zelko Kalac many years ago in a Division One Play off Final for a potential shoot out, only for Steve Claridge to save all the hassle by then shinning in a goal in the 120th minute (or something like that).  Heartbreak for the Costa Ricans who were gallant losers but delight for the Dutch and I am sure that Man United fans are currently massaging themselves at the thought of having a manager who could return them back to the title race next season with such ballsy decisions.

The Germany vs France affair was a fairly dour affair with the Germans doing what they do best in order to secure a much needed victory so I won't comment too much on that. However, the hosts Brazil continue what seems to be a destiny carved route to the final. Again, anyone hoping for the Brazilians to hit top form will be disappointed as they ground at another scrappy win, this time against the Colombians.  Some of the Brazilian tactics have been borderline thuggish and it has been somewhat disappointing that they have not produced the fast free flowing football teams of great teams gone by.  However, one cannot deny the pure emotion that they have been playing with as shown by David Luiz's (aka Sideshow Bob from The Simpsons)  celebration after his bombastic free kick. With his fist pumping and his eyes bulged, it reminded me of a certain Maradona's celebration at USA 94 which proved to everyone without any reasonable doubt that he was in fact taking drugs. Here's a reminder of why there was no need for a urine sample after this one

On a final note for those who have not seen it, here is the picture of the mammoth insect which decided to take a ride after James Rodriguez scored a penalty to reduce the deficit. I am sure I am not the only person who thought 'HOLY SH*T!' when they saw this one.

Buen Provecho!

Sunil

Not All Americans Are In Love With Harry

Before I settled down to watch the Belgium Vs USA game the other night, I had the misfortune of stumbling across a program on E4+8 (or some other nondescript Channel) called "I Wanna Marry Harry.  I have seen some awful shows in my time but the premise was so ridiculous I just had to take a second look.  I was bamboozled as to why 12 American Cheerleader types were all trying to woo a guy who was a simply a lookalike for Prince Harry (think of Average Joe in reverse and you are pretty much there).  I know some people have some weird fetishes but this really took the biscuit.  Then to my utter astonishment it transpires that these girls actually thought that this was the actual Prince Harry!  I nearly fell off my chair. How ludicrous.  Hardly a great advert for the Americans it would seem.....

Even more ridiculous, I then switched over to the Belgium game and this ginger lookalike was again staring me in the face like some evil serial killer. Alas, my fears were quashed when I realised that this was just Kevin De Bruyne, the Belgium midfielder. Phew. And perhaps more importantly, this set of Americans proved that they were not a bunch of big chested buffoons.

Anyway, back to the game and what an absolutely titanic contest.  This match now ranks in my top 3 of all time, behind Liverpool 4-3 Newcastle and Istanbul, two epic games which will live long in the memory.

The game in 90 minutes was perhaps not a classic but what followed in the next 30 minutes was absolutely incredible.  As Belgium put their converted their dominance to goals via Prince Harry and Lukaku it looked like Tim Howard's heroics would be in vain.  Yet, the game was still somehow not over. A wonderful goal from Julian Green put the cat amongst the pigeons and the Americans nearly frantically scrambled an equalizer.  Jurgen Klinsmann's knack of producing teams full of energy again surfaced as his men gained a second win and nearly pulled off an amazing comeback with a brilliant set piece routine.

Ultimately, it was not enough and the Belgians sneaked through but what a wonderful advert for the game.  A game played at breakneck speed almost like a basketball game (you attack, we attack) and some great individual performances (was the American right back on Speed?).

If the USA had equalized then I am pretty sure that they would have had to have made a Hollywood film about it (I am sure Tom Hanks would have been involved somewhere) but instead the team will have to make do a with their role as gallant losers

Roll on the Quarter Finals.....

(P.S For those show who share my love of trash TV shows/documentaries then I would recommend My Granny : The Escort as seen on Channel 4 last night. I would add though that Wayne Rooney does not make a surprise appearance)

Sunil

Bite Fever Hits World Cup

Apologies all for the lack of blogging recently, I have been fortunate enough to have been in sunnier climbs since last Thursday so haven't been privvy to all the games.  This has culminated in not only gaining a bit of a sun tan (yes, Asians tan as well) and also missing half of the football exciting action over the last few days.  Therefore, this article will be short and sweet.  To be honest, there is so much coverage these days, social media debate etc that I am struggling to cope with this tidal wave of footballing information so if you think you can do better then please help me out!

Luis Suarez

This episode has pretty much been and gone so I won't add to much other than to quote someone I met recently who is a teacher by trade.  When querying the Suarez incident they simply said

"Btw that Suarez should not be allowed to play football anymore, seriously what a joke, I don't care if he's good or brings a lot of money in, what is he teaching the kids!"

Granted that women shouldn't really normally be allowed to comment on football (Do me a favour love!), but I think that quote pretty much hits the nail on the head.

However, I did also manage to locate Luis Suarez's new local bar in Valencia, somewhere I imagine he may be situated for the next few months.

Hulk

I did manage to catch most of the Brazil vs Chile game.  It wasn't really a classic although it was good to see WBA leaving their imprint on the tournament with ex-Baggie Gonzolo Jara scoring an Own Goal and then missing the decisive penalty.  I did take some personal delight in successfully predicting the direction of each of the penalties, something which I have honed since reading the brilliant book "Twelve Yards", currently available from all good bookshops.  I did offer to help out the England team who are notorious at losing on penalty shoot outs but now they so sh*t that they cannot even get past the group stages, so alas my exceptional Derren Brown like skills will not be required in the near future it seems.

The only other thing interesting about this game was the guy who is called Hulk.  I am sure many of you are thinking that is he simply called that because he is a massive gym freak b*stard?

Rather interestingly (or not) I actually think this is one of those "ironic" nicknames.  The reason I say this, is that the guy falls over like a sack of potatoes on even the slightest of contact. What a big girl's blouse.  Hulk? My arse.  Calling the guy Hulk is akin to calling Dion Dublin "Tiny" due to the size of his manhood.

Mexico Vs Netherlands

As I sat in the departure lounge for my flight back, I heard a group of Dutch fans shout out in sheer delight, a mere two minutes apart whilst a German appeared to shout out "Scheisse".  All of this had me very confused as to what was happening in this game.  Now it all makes sense to me And er...that's it.  Sorry if that's not that very interesting, but if you want a proper match report discussing water breaks and tactical genius Louis van Gaal then you can go and read them elsewhere....

Anyway's this Germany vs Algeria game looks pretty tasty so I am going to stop writing and watch that instead.

Adios amigos!

Sunil

Dead Rubber Brings England No Joy

Let's be honest, you didn't click on this blog because you wanted to read about England's latest battle of attrition, you just wanted to look at this picture didn't you, you filthy animal? And if you did then I can't blame you.  Let's be honest, this is probably the most exciting thing you have seen at the World Cup from an English person (I have no idea if the girls are even English if I am honest).

Despite today's game being a dead rubber for England ( I have never understood this term btw, is it something to do with contraception?  It is a reference to an out of date condom? Answers on a postcard please), I made the slightly unfortunate decision to leave work early today to take up a seat at the battle cruiser near work to watch the English team take on the mighty Costa Rica.   A bit like arranging to meet up with an ex-girlfriend, the expectation of something good quickly descends into boredom and within minutes you have realised that you have made a mistake and you are looking for the quickest exit out of there.

Today's game was one of the worst I have ever seen in the tournament so far and left me feeling pretty despondent. Not because England were terminally average, but because they have contributed absolutely ZERO to this World Cup.

Aside from an early match, ( I think it involved Iran but the game escapes met) nearly every game has had moments of madness, excitement, drama, unbelievable skill, a great celebration or a manager going absolutely apoplectic on the touchline. Yes that's right, Miguel Hererra I am looking at you

http://www.theguardian.com/football/blog/2014/jun/24/mexico-coach-miguel-herrera-world-cup-2014

In fact, even as I watch Greece vs Ivory Coast a last minute penalty has caused absolute bedlam.  Does anyone else get the feeling that England just have not been part of this World Cup?   I mean for God's sake, we didn't even get to see any Wags!  I cannot think of anything worse than being remembered for being a bit ordinary.  Have England provided more than 10 minutes of entertainment in any game?  Even when South Korea were getting humped 3-0 by Algeria the other night at least they came back out second half and gave it a go.

England being not that good you can kind of get used to, but at least be so monumentally shit that you let in fifty goals and provide some entertainment.  In today's game, why not just play two in defence and send everyone up front, at least it would be a bit of fun.  Instead we got another snoozefest from the team, with only a couple of dodgy penalty shouts to look at.  In fact, it's more interesting watching as to why Robbie Savage is coming onto Danny Murphy so strongly by wrapping his arm around him in the BBC Studio (something to share Robbie?).

I'm not sure what has happened in this tournament to England and my heart goes out to poor fans who went to Brazil to watch such a farce.  My only advice to them would be to take a stroll along Ipanema beach and check out some of the football street performers as it's likely they have more skill than the whole of the English football team.  Alternatively try and pick up a local with a dead rubber and play something I like to call "Russian Roulette"

*DISCLAIMER*

The above joke was taken from someone else and is not a reflection of On The Bench.  As Tim Westwood once profoundly said "Strap It Up Before You Slap It Up"

Anyway, I should end this article with something football related

ENGLAND TILL I DIE (is that what we sing these days?)

Sunil