The Great Sack Race

Thursday, 11 August 2011

Whilst predicting who will be in the running for the title is about as easy as looting a JD Sports in Hackney, a perhaps far more difficult task is looking at who are the contenders for the chop. So let’s take a look at the managers facing a “squeaky bum time”.

Harry Redknapp

I’m gonna start off with a potential left field choice in good old ‘arry from the Lane. This is might seem a slightly ludicrous prediction but stay with me on this one. Spurs are in the god forbidden Europa League this season and probably need a good run in order to bring in extra revenue and potentially win a cup to keep Mr Levy happy. Ally this with a desperate need to get in the Champions League again to keep the likes of VDV, Modric and Bale happy and the squad at the Lane could soon be very stretched and the failure to sign a top quality centre half and striker could soon seem them plummeting down the league quicker than a lead balloon. Add to this Redknapp’s obsession of whoring himself for the England job at every opportunity and it’s not hard to see that things could take a turn for the worst quicker than expected. Harry has previously admitted that he tends to go to clubs who are struggling in form and has never been to anywhere where they are already doing well. This analysis would place him directly at the door of the England job and he would have no qualm in jumping ship, as shown by his times at Pompey and Southampton. In all honestly, I personally want to see him sacked just so Jamie doesn’t spend an hour fellating him whilst in the Sky Studio (not literally of course)

Roberto Mancini

Mancini is an interesting character to say the least. An absolute legend of a player, his attitude to management is somewhat surprisingly pragmatic. If you were to give Mancini unlimited money to buy the best ingredients the he would end up concocting a Hamburger and Fries and not a Michelin Star Meal. Let’s be honest, City are pretty horrible to watch and rely on nicking the odd goal to win games or grinding down the opposition. With Tevez likely to depart the onus could fall on Mario Balotelli to lead the line. That’s a bit like letting your 7 year old kid drive your Mercedes Benz. That’s right, you wouldn’t. Whilst City have the squad to maintain a good Champs League run unless they are in the running for the title early doors then Scarfed one could be in trouble. His negativity last season did not matter as City were only aiming for 4th but to challenge for the title a more expansive approach will be needed. The FA Cup may have bought him time but when there is big money at stake then nothing can be put past those gazillionaire owners who are more trigger happy then Tony Montana with a machine gun.

Neil Warnock

An anagram of Neil Warnock is Colin W*nker. This has nothing to do with him getting the sack but it does always make me laugh. Colin took QPR to the title last year with plenty left to spare but this season will be a different kettle of fish. With millionaire owners refusing to give him more than about 2 quid to spend, the omens are not good. The mercurial Abel Taraadbt (hope I spelt that right) may be his saviour but Colin, although now a bit more mellowed ,still has an abrasive edge which may not go down well with his owners when the going gets tough. Nothing less than survival will be expected this year and if the R’s are in trouble around Xmas don’t be surprised to see Colin get his P45 as the owners look for a more glamorous name to splash the cash and take them to safety. I also would like to see him sacked because I think he’s a kn*b, but that’s by the by.

Alex Ferguson

Just kidding

(and a lot of you are probably thinking Arsene Wenger but even though I think he should go I would be astonished if the board fired him)

Mick McCarthy

I am sure most of you will agree that Mick is an affable chap. He also has a weird nose but I will forgive him for that. Wolves survived by the skin of their teeth last year thanks largely to an incredible record against teams in the top echelons of the table. With that unlikely to be repeated this year, the dirty Dingles will have to improve their form against the weaker sides which is far easier said than done. The signing of Roger Johnson could be key but the board will be hoping for more than last day survival this year and expect the pressure to be cranked up to the extreme this season. Mick’s saviour may be that there are probably 3 worse teams than Wolves in the league but if they are near the danger zone come Christmas then expect Mick’s nose to be put even more out of joint (not sure if that’s actually possible).

So there you go, there are my tips for the sack race. Please feel free to send me any winnings when the predictions come in.


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