Premiership Ups and Downs.....

As the Americans would say, Gameweek 1 is over. F*CK YEAH! Let’s see who's feeling higher than Pete Doherty and those who are lower than a snake’s belly.

Going Up

Sergio Aguero & David Silva

I am sure I am not the only person who is going to be commenting on the spunktastic debut from Sergio Aguero but it was truly wonderful to watch. I mean, let’s keep it in perspective, he did enter against a tiring Swansea side, but even then his impact was terrific to watch and showed he could have the potential to perform as well as he does on Pro Evo ( sorry I mean for Atletico Madrid). It’s fair to say he could be making the sort of difference to City that Torres did to Liverpool in his first season and he could look right at home in the Premiership. However, the main joy of the game was the brilliant orchestrator David Silva. I personally think as football has progressed , especially in the Premiership, then has been a diminishing influence of the little playmaker. However, Silva is a throwback to the good old days and it’s great to see someone who relies solely on vision, touch and awareness to flourish, rather than just physical prowess. Add to this his understanding with Aguero and is it possible that we could be seeing the birth of a partnership to equal that of Dwight Yorke and Andy Cole. I suggest we stay tuned to the tabloids to see if they can score just as well as Dwight and Andy did off the pitch.

Man United

How many other teams could have one shot on target and still win 2-1 when they looked to be heading for a draw? We might as well just hand the title to them now

Michael Vorm

He may have let in 4 goals but he had an outstanding debut. Makes you wonder what Arsene Wenger is up to if even Swansea can find a decent keeper. Apparently Wenger was sent a DVD of outstanding keepers at budget prices. His retort “I didn’t see it.”

Bolton Wanderers

Partypoopers of the highest order. And with the start these guys have, its probably just as well they have points on the board early doors

Fernandos Torres

Could the forgotten one be inching back to his best? Quite possibly, but whilst playing in a team which leaves him chronically short on service we are unlikely to ever see him hit the heights of those glory days at Anfield, which is a shame.

Going Down

David de Gea

Another game, another cock up. Ashley Young helped him get away with it but expect this guy to be getting a lot of the rough stuff in his debut season.

Mario Balotelli

This guy is pi$$ed off even when he is playing and scoring. Lord knows how this loose cannon will react now that City won’t be needing him and the Aguero love in will begin. Wouldn’t surprise me to see him start some riots of his own in the near future. Watch this space.

QPR

Blackpool won 4-0 on the first day of last season and still got relegated. So it doesn’t bode well for the Super Hoops who got a mauling in front of their own fans on Saturday. Perhaps my tip of Neil Warnock getting the sack could happen sooner rather than later.

Gary Neville

Could Sky Sports now have their own version of Garth Crooks? Quite possibly. I suggest you mute the TV when this guy is on

Wayne Routledge

Apparently this clown has played for over 7 Premiership Teams, took part in over 100 games and still not scored a Premiership goal. Imagine a Porn Star who had starred in over 100 movies but not got his leg over. Please, someone tell this guy he is in the wrong business.

Joey Barton & Gervinho

Panto season starts early at St James Park. An embarrassment of the highest order. Not probably seen the famous Bowyer/Dyer debacle...talking of which...

Kieron Dyer

The glass man returns with a vengeance. He has my every sympathy but I think its about time he did the honourable thing and pack it in. This guy has had probably less game time then Winston Bogarde did at Chelsea. And that's saying something.

Sunil