Brazil 1 - Germany 7 (Seven)

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

A close friend of mine recently sent me a link of an epic fail on the Crystal Maze, something which was so catastrophic and hilarious that I never thought that I would see it repeated in the near future.  It really is worth a look


Nonetheless, my doubts about seeing another embarrassment were banished almost instantaneously with the completely ridiculous capitulation by the Samba Boys against our European neighbours, those oh so canny Germans

I am sure that everyone has already trudged through the now obligatory post mortem and this apparently is the most tweeted about a sports match in Twitter history.  Numbers of other jokes and comments have also been passed around the internet at an exponential rate so I will intersperse my favourites throughout my musings on the catastrophe in the Estadio Mineirao.

I was watching the game in a local pub with a couple of mates and we were commenting on how fierce and passionate the Brazilian players were had been in each game so far during the national anthem so much so that the players had often been reduced to tears.  Expecting the same again, I looked up at the TV to see the same shenanigans going on, only this time I was astonished to see that Neymar had died!  I thought the poor bastard had just broken his back but when I saw that Luiz and Cesar were holding his shirt aloft I realised that he must have passed away on the same day.  I'm not entirely sure how this did not make bigger news. Either way, the home fans seemed to be in buoyant mood and ready to banish their memories of that World Cup Final defeat in 1950 to Uruguay (boy oh boy they probably wished they hadn't ask for that event to be forgotten).

  • "The most embarrassing semi since I went to to see Brokeback mountain with my Dad"

The game started fairly slow paced with nothing really between the teams until a well worked set piece gave the Germans a lead via the irrepressible Thomas Muller, many people's outside bet for top scorer.  Whatever people think of him, you cannot help but admire his talent. I for one, like the fact he doesn't "look" like a modern day footballer.  He looks a little bit like Steve Claridge, with his unorthodox style and socks often around his ankles and I also find that he does not know how to celebrate either pretty amusing. I think its fair to say you won't be getting any choreographed celebrations from this chap

  • "The clean up to this one is going to take longer than Chernobyl" (this one is mine, sorry for the self love)
However, what was to happen in the next 30 minute was staggering beyond belief. Being a WBA fan, I have seem some capitulations in my time but I have come to expect it. This on the other hand was pretty unforeseeable. A well worked goal allowed Miroslav Klose to double the lead before further calamitous defending from Luiz and Fernandinho allowed Kroos and Khedira to join the party and send the home fans into tears and the Germans into raptures

  • "Even Oscar Pistorius has a better defence than the Brazilians"

At this point, I am pretty sure that no one was entirely sure what was going on although I would imagine that at this point Alan Hansen must have thought that all his Christmases had come at once.  The guy was probably having a fit at half time.  I can just imagine him now saying to Gary Lineker at half time "We've only got 15 minutes? I've got enough coverage here for a week!"

The way the Brazilians folded like a pack of cards was pretty unforgivable if you ask me. It's one thing to get beaten but to lose by just giving up is serving a major injustice to your fans and country alike.  We've all been through a dry spell at various times but I think even the most inept of us could have scored against this set of players. No tracking back, jumping out of tackles, turning your back to the ball and wandering completely out of position are what this Brazlian team are to be known for.

Queue half time then. Never has the phrase "if this was a boxing match, it would have been stopped a long time ago" ever been more appropriate.  

  • "Last time I saw a Brazilian get f*cked by so many Germans was on Pornhub"
The 2nd half was slightly more respectable but by there were still further goals to follow including an absolutely fabulous strike from Schurrle which really put the icing on the cake.  Oscar finally bagged a late consolation but by this time half the fans had probably already left to join the riots outside the stadium. In fact, the fans probably wished that the stadium had actually collapsed, much like a lot of people were anticipating prior to the World Cup

Now first things first, I would like to comment on some of the rather now spurious and lazy comments from pundits and such like that the Germans were devastatingly "efficient" in their execution.  I'm surprised some people did not just add in that they were "just following orders to devastating effect". The truth is, this wasn't efficiency,  this was world class football of the highest order and due credit should have been given.  Admittedly, they were up against a compete and utter shambles but you can only  admire the way they sliced through the Brazilian defence time after time with some brilliant passing and movement.  If ever there was an archetypal Brazil-type performance then the Germans produced it. A far cry from their match up in the 2002 Final, the tables had well and truly turned last night which is a credit to the way the Germans have revamped their footballing style over the last 10 years or so.  The heat map below confirms their dominance in yesterday's proceedings.

On a lighter note, I actually commented in the pub that they would have to put the word "seven" in brackets as per the old Videprinter days and then low and behold the BBC actually did this exact thing, great scenes! Not sure if they were they were themselves being serious or if they were taking the p*ss.

So what now for the Brazilians? With the memories of the 1950 World Cup final now possibly vanquished forever , this set of fans and players will be scarred for life almost certainly. One way forward could be for the players to change their kit again, and it would be argued that with the way they surrendered they should perhaps switch back to wearing all white although I would imagine its unlikely this will happen. It's likely that they may have sweeping reforms across the game in order to bring back the type of football that they were renowned for.  

Anyway, it looks like the Argentina game is heading for penalties so I am going to focus my attentions on that.  I will leave the final say on the Brazil Vs Germany to Mr Ron Burgundy


1 Responses:

Raymond L. Says:

This was quite a good read, I must say.. and I must thank you for giving me such a good laugh.

"... when I saw that Luiz and Cesar were holding his shirt aloft I realised that he must have passed away on the same day. I'm not entirely sure how this did not make bigger news." -- that gave me fits! Hahaha