Brexit Part Deux : Escape from the Euros

England 1 -2 Iceland

Hey everyone! How we all feeling today!? Hasn't this just been the best week ever?

Apologies for the lack of updates, I would like to have a good excuse for you but I have generally just been pissing about and taking procrastination to a whole new level in this longer than unexpected period of unemployment. 

However, I have now awakened from my slumber after a tumultuous week for England, both in the football and political world and will now begin my scathing assessment of Ingerland’s defeat to the small supermarket nation, one of the surprise packages of the tournament so far. I will also intersperse with the best reactions and comments I have seen on Twitter and Instagram for your enjoyment.

As per each game so far, the pre match tunnel highlighted a slightly psychopathic Joke Hart screaming and shouting like some Zulu Warrior whilst the Icelandic XI alongside him appeared well…ice cool. I have commented on Hart’s antics before and I am not sure why he gets so hyped up before the games. Could you imagine Messrs Cech, De Gea or Neuer getting into such a fret against a team of part timers, I seriously doubt it.

Anyhow, the game started in positive fashion with Sterling once again taking a tumble this week and Rooney slotting home the resulting penalty with aplomb to leave England looking firmly in control . I bet Boris Johnson sure would have loved seeing England in control...for all of 1 minute away.... I’m sure most people sitting at home thought that this was the perfect start, Iceland would have to come out the shell and this would leave England with the spaces to try and exploit the gaps.

·         “By losing to Iceland, England have exited a European institution amid shame twice in one week. At least they are consistent”

Whilst the rest of the us were sitting calculating exactly how many politicians had resigned from Jeremy Corbyn’s cabinet, the England defence were caught napping as a long throw from the Icelandic Rory Delap led to Ragnar Sigurdsson smashing the ball in from close range. Cue massive celebrations in the supermarket aisles from the Icelandic fans.

·         “I hope England give the job to someone Polish”

With my pre-match bet of less than 3 goals already looking like it was in tatters a slightly uneasy feeling was beginning to grow inside of me, a bit similar to when the first few results came in from the EU referendum. Surely the unthinkable couldn’t happen….could it?

Well dreams slowly began to turn into a nightmare as a shocking error from Hart led to Iceland taking the lead through Kolbeinn Sigthorsson after some fine interplay on the edge of the England penalty box.

Fair to say though that I wasn’t the only person who was surprised by this goal…nice one Schteve…

https://www.facebook.com/carly.t.catherine/videos/10157049589060322/

In all truth, the rest of the game is a bit of a blur other than exchanging messages with friends alongside the lines of “How shit is this performance” and “England are fucking awful.”

All I can really remember is Iceland having the best chances of the game, Kane taking useless set pieces, Rooney falling over and every single England player seemingly having the Yips. I think its fair to say that this was without doubt one of the worst English performances of all time at a major tournament. Shambolic, inept, gutless and quite frankly pathetic.

·         “Imagine if England had to face one of the big guns like Asda or Tesco”

Minor chances came and went and the last throw of the dice came when England’s captain was withdrawn to his obvious fury. To be fair to the incoming Rashford though, he probably did more in 4 minutes then the rest of the England team did for the previous 86

·         “England still allows freedom of movement…in the penalty area”

All that was left for the rather pathetic players to collapse to the turf in agony (or was it embarrassment) and Hodgson to read out a pre-written statement saying that he had the best time of his life and thanks for the £10 million he had trousered (or something like that).

 “97% of the Iceland's population were celebrating, the other 3% were on the pitch”

So that’s it…the end of another tournament for England and this time the players could not even be bothered to make it to penalties. Perhaps it’s better this way, at least they didn’t get our hopes up.

"Rooney earns £330,000 per week, Iceland has a population of 330,000"

All of which means I will now be watching Iceland vs France on Monday in Paris which thankfully means I can shelve having to wear full body armour and a gum shield which can only be a good thing.

Tomorrow, I will try and assess why it is that England are still monumentally shit at tournament football, so look out for that!

Sunil