An extract from Torres' autobiography.....

Friday, 7 March 2008

Even as a Liverpool fan I thought this was kinda funny, this was stolen mercilessly from the bbc message boards. Enjoy

"Flying into Manchester airport for the signing was one of the most exciting days of my career. The limo transferring me took a while longer to reach the ground than I expected but once there I was greeted by a sea of red. The chanting and atmosphere were brilliant and it all passed by in a blur.

Once inside the ground I was greeted by the manager, the first time we had met face to face. He was a lot heavier than I expected but spoke to me in good Spanish which made me feel most welcome. We went straight into a conference room for the official signing.

After I had put pen to paper the manager turned to me and said "Welcome to the biggest club in the World".

I said thank you and asked "When will I meet Wayne and Cristiano"?

There followed about ten minutes of confusion from which it transpired that there are two clubs in the North West of England known as the "Reds" and my idiot agent had got them mixed up.

However I had signed so had to get on with it. Benitez was known as the "Gaffer". I asked Stevie G (the only other player at the club who could control the ball) why this was.

He explained that in English "gaffe" is an embarassing mistake. Apparently even the owners called Rafa "gaffer".

All I can do now is play really well and hope that Real, Barca or possibly Barnsley come and save me from my nightmare.

Some days after training I drive from Liverpool to Manchester and sit outside Old Trafford and dream of what might have been. I can sit there for hours.

Then Stevie will nudge me and say "Come on Nando, we have to go back".

We drive silently back to the gaffer.

Taken from "How did I get here?" by Fernando Torres.

7 Responses to "An extract from Torres' autobiography....."

Georgina Best Says:

Cruel but very funny!

Emma Says:

love torres and i had no idea he was so smart and funny

Anonymous Says:


On the day of the FA Cup quarter finals, a few of us decided to open a few beers & watch MOTD. It had been a very exciting day overall. When the Manchester United v Portsmouth match came on, my heart began fluttering at the prospect. I became a bit distressed. Carra, Stevie & the lads asked what I was doing. I informed them that I was looking for new batteries for the remote control because the sound had gone. The sound of laughter was deafening. Through fits of hysterics, Carra informed me that the sound at OT was nearly always at low volume. "But there are over 30,000 more people than we get at Anfield" I argued. Once again, more laughter.

As the match drew to a close. I noticed a very angry & scary old man standing on the touchline, chewing gum & checking his watch. His face seemed very familiar. I'm convinced it was the same guy that had been stalking me at my Madrid home for many years. I informed the Spanish police, but when a suitcase full of euros was sent to my Mother not long after, I was 'persuaded' to drop the charge.

The next day, Stevie & I made our usual visit to Old Trafford. I'm not sure why, but the allure of the place didn't quite seem the same. I'd had a few bad dreams the night before. Most of them involved the angry, scary man & 76,000 fat people in red AIG shirts chucking hearing aids at me.

"Didn't this club win the Champions League once before ?", I asked our captain. Steve said he thought so, but he was a teenager at the time, so he couldn't really remember. I asked him if he was looking forward to the match here in a couple of weeks time. He told me that he was, as it was one of the few grounds where they sang nearly as many Liverpool songs as they do at Anfield. He became at bit concerned when I told him most of my family where coming over from Spain for the match. He enquired as to whether or not my Nan was going to attend. His concern seemed to deepen when I answered that she was. I don't know why, but he advised me not to leave her alone in the same room as Wayne Rooney......I might send her a few knitting patterns & ask her to sit this one out.

As we made our way back home. I sat there contemplating what might have been. It was then that I realised, sometimes our choices actually come from God. There is a reason why I'm at England's most successful club, & not with the satan like figure with the red face, who's worshiped by thousands of silent red devils. I glanced at Steve, who simply gave me a knowing smile. Then suddenly, on the radio, they play a song from the musical 'Cabaret'. Its called 'Tomorrow belongs to me'. I look up to God, smile, & gently nod my head.

Shame some Man United fans cant realise true talent when they see it and end up making lame jokes. Oh well, lets see what the wonderkid Luis Saha or Wayne "Nannys Boy" Rooney will do next season, I think a Torres emulating 36 goal season is on! haha yh right United have to pay there right winger £120'000 a match to score for them.

Liverpool FC = Greatest team in the world.
23 Times English League winners
7 Times FA Cup winners
7 Times League Cup winners
15 Times Communty Shield winners
5 Times Champions League winners
3 Times UEFA Cup winners
3 Times UEFA Super Cup winners

Anonymous Says:

Anon - 23 times English League winners???

You don't even know the history of the club you're meant to support!

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