Who's Worse....Alan Smith or Emmanuel Eboue?

Tuesday, 4 March 2008

I write this article as I watch Emmanuel Eboue miss a golden chance to put Arsenal ahead in the San Siro. By the time I get to the end of this article we will find out if this miss was to ultimately prove crucial.

Watching the terrible miss made me realise what a shambolic player this guy is. He can't cross, he can't tackle and he sure as hell can't shoot. And aside from that he is one of the most despicable characters in the game, with his play acting tactics, his filthy tackles and his insistence of trying to get opposition players booked by waving an imaginary card. I am sat here thinking, he surely in total is one of the most horrible footballers in the modern game?

But then I thought, hold on what about a certain Yorkshire cunt-head called Alan Smith, currently plying his trade at Newcastle. To be fair to Smithers, he did show some early promise at Leeds United under David O' Leary and many people seemed to revel in his "never say die attitude". However, I personally thought that Alan Smith was a filthy bastard, always flying late into tackles and winding up the opposition for no apparent reason other than to try and get them embroiled in a fight.

Smith cried when Leeds got relegated from the Premiership but those tears were quickly wiped away I am sure when he joined the team Leeds hate more than anyone, Manchester United. His Judas stature in Leeds folklore was secure.

Smith's tenure at Man Utd started off pretty well but soon descended into mediocrity as Fergie, realising that Smudger was a shit striker, attempted to deploy him as a midfielder, with equally disastrous results. Fergie's attempts to turn him into the next Roy Keane turned out to be as effective as turning Hurley from Lost into a supermodel.

Smith broke his leg against Liverpool and during this spell on the sidelines he scored as many goals as if he would have been playing. None.

In the summer, Smith moved to Newcastle for a whopping £6m, despite only 7 goals in 61 games for Man United, a truly terrible record for a striker. That's almost a worse scoring record than me (almost).

However, Smith has tried to excel himself in his ineptitude by scoring no goals for Newcastle so far. It is actually true that if you stuck a monkey up front then they couldn't have a worse record. In fact, why not just play with 10 men. Add to this the fact that he is still a thug and the only thing Smith can be proud of is that he once banged Gemma Atkinson, though having heard her sex-ploits, she probably has a pussy like a wizard's sleeve (or clown's pocket, take your pick).

Rumour has it that Smith also has an IQ of 88, a score so low I didn't know it existed.

So who would you rather not have in your team, Smith or Eboue? As the guy from Blind Date would say, the choice is yours


P.S As I write this Adebayor has just secured a 2-0 win meaning that Eboue's howler was not punished.

P.P.S Even as a closet Gooner, I wish people would stop going on about this "team spirit". That term is something only used when teams win isn't it, where does it go when team's lose eh? So shut the hell up about it.

3 Responses to "Who's Worse....Alan Smith or Emmanuel Eboue?"

Valderrama's Jockstrap Says:

I believe my exact words last were Eboue must die (Disclaimer to the media...this is not an actual death threat)! I mean how many times was he going to smack into a defender's legs before realising it wasn't happening.

I've also had the displeasure of seeing Alan Smith in person at the Emirates 3 times this season and not once did he do anything of any note...but hey you he runs around a lot, and is British, so that counts for something right?

Cesc's lil bird Says:

I'm like a loyal gooner but even i think he's despicable. Probably the only player hated by his own fans... Smudge isn't all that bad.

Anonymous Says:

I have known Alan for many years and I find the comment about his IQ highly offensive. He's completely the opposite and many fans and players of opposing teams have had a good laugh with him. He loves his football and has time for everyone. Ok he's not the most skillful and he's lost his pace since the bad leg break, but Leeds really screwed him over the Old Trafford move. It's all too easy to spout off about Smudger but alot of boardroom politics went off, he was the only asset, Scumchester were the only ones with money, they basically forced him out. Good luck to him on his return to the Premier League with Newcy but I'd rather see us bury the hatchet and get him back at Elland Road where he belongs. He still has unfinished business there...