Premiership Ups and Downs

Going Up……

Arsenal, Fabregas & Adebayor

Arsenal leapt to the top of the Premiership with another win against poor Spurs. Fabregas has suddenly turned into a goalscoring machine, is this the season that he finally realises his undeniable talent? Arsenal are back to the top of the table for the first time in 3 years, its early days but I feel that Arsenal have a team spirit unrivalled by any other team, and this could make them title challengers. Adebayor has been ridiculed for years as a poor man’s Kanu, has been given nicknames such as Adebaypoor or Adebaycantscore, but no one can deny that his second goal on Saturday was one that even the great Thierry Henry himself would be proud of, absolutely brilliant. Regardless of the fact that Martin Jol continued his best Santa Claus routine, Arsenal took their chances and with some relatively easy fixtures coming up, it looks like Arsenal will be on top like a Dutch prostitute for a few more months to come.

Manchester United & Wayne Rooney

Attacking a pensioner is never a good thing, but I’m sure the win against Everton, helped Fergie recover from the shin injuries he incurred. A few weeks ago many people were suggesting that the Champions were out of the title race. Fast forward a few weeks, and guess what? Man Utd were back on top of the table, after a Vidic header fortunately grabbed 3 points at Goodison Park, albeit for only a few hours but they are well and truly back in the hunt. With Wayne Rooney back from injury (with his wolverine-esque healing powers), Ronaldo back from suspension and Saha(Man Utd’s most important player) back off the treatment table, I think Man Utd will now go on to sustain a very serious title challenge. The clash with Chelsea next week will tell us a lot about what shape they are in.

West Ham, “Can’t Control” & Dean Ashton

West ham jumped up to 5^th in the table with a 3-0 win over Middlesbrough. West Ham were relatively poor in the first half, but a rousing team talk from Curbishley and the introduction of Carlton Cole aka “Can’t Control” was decisive as he set up 2 of the goals. It was good to see he had not lost his ineptness in front of goal, when he missed a sitter, but his influence on the game was clear to see. Dean Ashton finally got his goal, after an entire year ruled out through injury, its good to see England’s future great striker back on the scoresheet. Scarily enough, West Ham will lie within the Champions League places if they win their game in hand, a far cry from the relegation zone which they often frequented last season.

Sunderland & Kenwynne Jones

Sunderland grabbed a much needed 2-1 win against Reading, with Kenwynne Jones proving he is worth every penny they spent on him with a superb display. He caused all sorts of problems, and with him in the team maybe Sunderland can better the worst ever Premiership points total they achieved when they were last in the Premiership.

Reina

Quite simply the best penalty saver in world football right now.

Going Down…..

Tuncay

As impressive as Wet Ham were, if Tuncay knew where the goal was he might have had a hat-trick, someone get this man a map of the football pitch.

Heskey

Poor poor Emile, after impressing for England and basically cementing his place in the England squad as Michael Owen’s slave, he then breaks his foot and is ruled out for 6 weeks or more. He will probably miss the next few qualifiers, and I’m sure Rooney will be back to gobble up his place. Sadly we may never see Emile “ The Handful” Heskey in an England squad again.

Spurs, Jol and Darren Bent

Where do I start? Now, as good as Arsenal have been this season, no one can deny that Spurs really should have won this game or got a draw at least. I’m finding it very difficult to understand how one team can have so many chances and simply not score. Berbatov, Keane and Bent both had opportunities to put the game to bed, but simply couldn’t do it. Bent cost 16.5 million, but his attempt at a left foot finish reminded me of someone trying to hit a football with a golf club. Lets be honest here, to lose a North London derby at home is bad enough, but to lose it in such a manner is unforgivable. Martin Jol’s position as manager this season will last as long as Sunil’s first sexual experience. Fact. We all know that Martin Jol doesn’t know how to hold on to a lead, maybe he needs some advice from David Blunkett.

Liverpool, Rafa & Peter Crouch

Rafa Rafa Rafa, what were you thinking? How could you go to Fratton Park and rest 5 of your best players? Yes they were on international duty, and may be tired, but the team Liverpool put out against Portsmouth simply didn’t have the pace and quality to win that game. Fratton Park is one of the hardest places to go in the Premiership, so resting Mascherano, Kuyt, Babel, Gerrard and Torres is plain suicide. This squad is good, but not that good and if Portsmouth knew how to finish, Liverpool would have lost this game. Peter Crouch had a nightmare performance and looks like a man in disarray, but I’m guessing losing your place in the national side to Emile Heskey can be a big blow to a man’s confidence. Makes me wanna rehash my “elephant man stealing your girlfriend” analogy, ok maybe I wont. Peter Crouch is an excellent player, but at this rate I think he will struggle to play much football this season.

Bolton

Another game another defeat, the loss of Big Sam has completely destroyed any quality this team had. Like Samson and his hair, they have lost the source of their power. That’s what happens when you go from big(Allardyce) to small(Lee), ask any girl out there. Sorry Sammy but relegation is a very big possibility.

Reading

Are they still hung-over from their celebrations from doing so well last season?

Chelsea

1 point in 2 games simply is not good enough for the usually consistent Chelsea. You have to say that they were unlucky with the offside decision that would have awarded them the win, but I’m sure they are grateful for the penalty decision at Anfield and how Mikel was not penalised for bulldozing through Pedersen in the penalty area I really don’t know. Chelsea will eventually come good, but I fear for what will happen when the African Nations cup takes away many of their best players.

Shevchenko

He is like a bastard child, that no one likes. The look on Mourinho’s face when he missed that opportunity was golden and made it quite clear that Shevchenko is quite possibly the most unpopular player at any club right now. What a fall from grace for a man who was one of the best players in the world, who now has no pace and looks like he is pulling a truck when he runs. He would probably be the last person picked at my Sunday afternoon kick about.