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The King Is Back.........

Monday, 21 January 2008


Many man many years ago I was a young man who thought he had found love, her name was Lisa. She showed me so many great times, taught me so many great things and made me see women in a different light. It was one of the best times of my life and everything seemed to go right, until eventually we just drifted apart. She brought me so close to love, but ultimately it just didn’t work out. A couple of weeks ago she rang me again, and we met up for a drink. Unfortunately she wasn’t what I expected; she wasn’t as pretty as I remembered, not as sexy and ultimately not as fun. I had got better looking and more ambitious and as the evening drew on, the memory of her beauty had quickly faded. I wish I had never met up with her, now my memories are ruined. They always said never go back, and it was an experience which fully endorsed that attitude.

Why am I babbling on about past loves you might ask? Well, a couple of weeks ago a good friend of mine mentioned Kevin Keegan returning to Newcastle, I immediately scoffed at the idea. It would be as farcical as Roy Evans being seen at Melwood or Souness being given another managerial position. Rumours then circled claiming it would be a “Dream Team”(I use the words dream and team hesitantly) of Keegan and Shearer, surely lunacy for a club with aspirations of being a top 6 side? Well, Newcastle are never ones to disappoint and in timely fashion Kevin Keegan was announced as the manager of Newcastle United. I’ts simply a crazy appointment, which could either be a masterstroke or a complete and utter circus act. Keegan has not watched football for 3 years, how is that even possible? Surely even he must have rejoiced in seeing McClaren’s circus act outshine any of his past failings as England manager? But what can you honestly expect from a club who signed the perennially injured Michael Owen for 17 million pounds and filled half a stadium to welcome him, as if he were some second coming of Christ, who would guarantee the premiership title. Some may call it passion; I just like to label it as pure stupidity.

Keegan is a bottler, a man who has a history of crumbling like a wet digestive when any pressure is applied. He threw away a 12 point lead to Manchester United during his first spell in charge at Newcastle in that classic premiership season and almost won the title, but unfortunately he was undone by some classic Fergie mind games which cost him dear and he never recovered from this. Who can forget the classic “I would love it” rant that served as an utterly embarrassing outburst which still haunts him to this very day. I bet Fergie still has a right old chuckle in his slippers when replaying this moment on youtube. The premiership is a completely different animal these days. If you go in unprotected too many times you will ultimately get burnt, its something that applies to our sex lives and also to football. That all out attacking type of play won’t cut it anymore, and if King Kev thinks it will, expect Newcastle to continue to get hammered by 4 or 5 by the top sides. Keegan will need to sort out the defence because the stench of Titus Bramble still lingers in the air of St James Park.

Keegan’s relationship with some of his current players is also a bit frosty. Michael Owen claimed in his book that Keegan scarred his career and was responsible for one of the darkest times of his life. That’s not exactly a great way to start a new relationship. Keegan has attempted to rectify this by misplacing his balls and making Owen captain against Bolton, great way to massage his ego Kev, but there really is no point having a captain who will miss half the season through injury and then hand in a transfer request because he secretly has wet dreams of playing for a top 4 side, but I’m guessing anything is better than the incredulous Alan Smith. The Bolton match was an exhibition of total and utter dross but was inevitably overshadowed by the return of the man who rejuvenated the Geordies in the 90s. Did I really expect excitement from 2 teams that Big Sam built?

Mike Ashely is a shrewd business man, he knows the fans will not turn on King Kev, where as any other appointment would not please the fans. Yes, the King may be back, but I’m sorry the mediocrity isn’t going anywhere. Unfortunately the myopic fans will see through this because their messiah has returned. Like my memory of Lisa, Newcastle fans may regret seeing their King come back and ruin the memories they once had.

Here is the video of that classic rant.






3 Responses to "The King Is Back........."

Anonymous Says:

Good stuff, but you never know he may actually improve their fortunes. He has had an impressive record in his managerial career apart from with England. Who knows.

you get merked Says:

Are you sure her name was Lisa?

Excellent write up Kofi, I agree with it "for sure"(like Rafa).

As much as I want Newcastle to flop it will be a shame when this relationship inevitably sours.

Do people forget that Keegan is the same man who walked out after his team had beaten Spurs 7-1? Whats he gonna do when they are languishing in mid-table? Slit his wrists?

I think that this circus act will last about 2 years at the most then he will inevitably bottle it again.

Kofi Says:

lol, codename lisa. :- )

I do agree it will be sad when he flops, because the great relationship he has with the "greatest fans in the world TM" will sour.

I agree with the 2 year prediction. No one and no money can save Newcastle, because their fans are simply insane.