Premiership Ups & Downs....

Going Up

Stevie G and Liverpool

Booing an opposition player relentlessly is almost certain to end in tears which it did for the Geordie fans on Saturday. After Stevie's shocker against Croatia he responded in the best possible way with a mercurial performance to silence the home fans. He scored a 30 yard cracker and had a hand in the other 2 goals as Liverpool ripped Newcastle open time and time again to maintain the Reds unbeaten start to the season. Doubts remain as Rafa continues to exchange pleasantries with the Liverpool owners but it can't really be denied that his team are still in the title hunt at the moment.

Arteta, Cahill and Everton

Mikel Arteta and Tim Cahill provided a midfield masterclass as Everton put seven goals past a sorry Sunderland at Goodison Park on Saturday. Although Arteta didn't get himself on the scoresheet he was a constant menace to the Sunderland rearguard and Tim Cahill continued his excellent goalscoring form. Everton have responded in fine fashion since they were mugged by Mark Clattenburg in the Merseyside derby and are consistently one of the better teams to watch in the Premiership these days. They have added a touch of class to their high tempo game and will undoubtedly be in the mix come the end of the season

Sven and Manchester City

You can't deny how much Sven is loving life at the moment. Seven straight wins at home, as well as the country beginning to think he actually did a good job managing England. The last time he was this happy was probably when he was banging Ulrika Jonson a few years ago. Stephen Ireland slammed home a stunning volley to snatch a last gasp win as City remain in the top 4, something which was unthinkable at the start of the season. Thankfully for those in the City of Manchester stadium, Ireland's celebration was more family orientated this time and he decided not to show off his meat and two veg. Well done Stephen.

Arsenal

Arsenal are like the ultimate cock-tease. They keep you hanging on and on, thinking that you may get some result for all your effort and endeavour, only to wait till the very death before killing you off and sending you home holding your balls. For so long it looked like they would be held by Wigan on Saturday only for Gallas to merk Titus Bramble at the near post and effectively settle the game. Whilst his dodgy haircut may leave a lot to be desired, it can't be denied that he took his goal brilliantly, almost like a centre forward in fact.

Robert Green

Even as an Englishman he must be feeling smug after again proving what a good keeper he is after Scott Carson' debacle in midweek. His last minute saved Defoe from probably being bundled by the West Ham faithful

Niko Kranjcar

After scoring with a tame effort in mid-week the Croatian showed what he is actually capable of as he ripped a free kick from fully 30 yards out against Birmingham on Saturday to help condemn a managerless Blues to a home defeat.

Going Down

Sunderland and Paul McShane

Sunderland were annilhated on Saturday as Everton put them to the sword. As if having one of the worst haircuts and being ginger wasn't bad enough for Paul McShane, his antics on Saturday would hardly have endeared himself to the Sunderland faithful. He looked like bambi on ice for most of the game, as Everton's tactic of lumping the ball 50 yards long in his direction proved his undoing. I would not like to have seen Roy Keane's reaction to his performance after the game. Hopefully, he gave him the hairdryer treatment, although with any sense he may have sent him to the hairdresser's instead. People used to say that Jason Lee's pineapple cut used to effect his performance, and I wonder if McShane's mop is causing him the same trouble. The Mackems have a huge game against Derby next week. If they don't win that then the alarm bells will be ringing loud and clear for Roy Keane

Stephen Cunt (yes very clever I know)

The Reading winger tried his best impression of Jackie Chan as his kung fu kick on Fernandes provided one of the most distasteful moments of the season so far. How he got away with this I am not entirely sure as the referee saw the incident but decided only to book him.

John Terry

The England captain is a disgrace, what really gives him the right to throw a football at referee? His reaction to Essien's sending off was further evidence that Terry needs to be knocked down a few pegs. Once again the England captain sets a great example for the kids.

Man United and Fergie

Man United stumbled at the Reebok as Bolton's strong arm tactics did the job. Kevin Davies and Evra were at each others throats all game much to the distaste of Fergie. I sometimes sympathise with managers but its hard to stomach when Fergie blames referees, especially after the amount of times that Man United have been awarded phantom penalties in injury time at Old Trafford. United looked fairly toothless without Rooney and Ronaldo and will be hoping that these three dropped points wont prove costly at the end of the season.

Richard Kingson

The Birmingham goalie had a nightmare of Scott Carson-esque proportions as his howler helped Harry's League of Nations grab another three points to maintain their charge towards Europe.

Boro and Southgate

They often say that a team mirror their manager. Well, there can't be a better example of this than at Middlesborough where they are extremely ugly and can't score to save their life. Southgate hasn't found a way to replace the goals of Viduka and the Yak and things are looking pretty desperate for the Euro 96 villain. His team can't keep clean sheets either, and Woodgate was given a roasting by Agbonlahor on Saturday as Boro slumped to a 3-0 defeat in front of their home supporters.

Lawrie Sanchez

Comparing England's failure to qualify for Euro 2008 to Fulham's inability to hold onto a lead makes him an absolute complete and utter loser.