Monday, 20 August 2007

Liverpool 1 Rob Styles 1

Liverpool were denied three points after a truly awful penalty decision allowed Chelsea to level the scores. Makes you wonder about the sanity of referees these days, the Chelsea players were guilty of harassing Rob Styles at every opportunity, even when decisions went their way. Torres gave Liverpool the lead after latching onto a brilliant through ball from the ever inspirational Steven Gerrard; he knocked the ball past the statuesque Ben Haim and then produced a neat finish reminiscent of Thierry Henry himself. Liverpool looked very comfortable, with Chelsea

Chelsea’s only shot on target came from the penalty spot, the inept Rob Styles awarded a penalty because apparently Finnan impeded Malouda in the box, but in fact it looked like Malouda charged into Finnan. Probably the worst decision I have seen since Steps decided to reform. Styles had clearly been intimidated by the England captain, who consistently got in Rob Styles’ face, when will they punish players for this type of behaviour? The penalty was then converted by the rubenesque Lampard, who then proceeded to run to the away fans and shout “Franki Lampard, Franki Lampard”, and also did a celebration resembling him putting another pizza in the oven, very strange behaviour me thinks. What do you expect from a man who has his own TV channel, which I’m sure will be full of dietary tips for the English public. Rob Styles then proceeded to continue his Graham Poll impression, by clearly booking Essien and not sending him off, he later claimed that he booked Terry, but if that’s true then why did he brandish his yellow card twice? Styles’ performance was similar to letting a blind man take control of a steering wheel, you could just about guarantee there was going to be an accident. All in all, Chelsea will be the happier team, but Liverpool are beginning to look like a side who can finally mount a sustained title challenge.

Man City 1 Man Utd 0

Manchester United fell closer and closer to the relegation zone, after losing to local rivals Man City. For all the possession and chances Man Utd had, its clear that they need a target man upfront or it could all end in tears. Who would have thought that the champions would have scored less goals than Michael Chopra after 3 games. What are the odds on Man Utd playing Plymouth in the Championship next season? Geovvani grabbed the only goal of the game after a deflection off Vidic left Van Der Sar with no chance. The highlight of the game came when Sir Alex thought Tevez had scored, the look on his face from jubilation to sadness was simply priceless. There is talk of Man Utd signing Anelka, and he could be the man to rescue their season, if not they could be out of the title race in August. Man City are looking impressive, I don’t think they are top four contenders, but they will be pushing for a European spot, and in Micah Richards, they have one of the best English talents I have seen, simply superb.

Blackburn 1 Arsenal 1

Jens Lemon produced another comical moment to deny Arsenal three points. I think his days are numbered as Arsenal’s number one, and this howler will go into the archives as one of the worst ever. Arsenal took the lead through Van Persie after a goal line scramble, but all his good work was undone by Lemon, who spilled a routine shot by David Dunn into his own net. Lemon has gone from being one of the best keepers in the world to a Zippos circus act, and if he continues like this we could be seeing the end of the comedy act that is Jens Lemon, similar to the end of Frasier or Friends, I know we all like a bit of comedy.

Fulham 1 Middlesbrough 2

Fulham lost two points thanks to another dreadful refereeing error. David Healy scored a legitimate goal, which was not given even though the goal keeper carried the ball over the line. The linesman somehow did not see it, thus costing Fulham two points. When the season is over, its moments like these that could be crucial, I think its time to introduce some sort of TV replay to make sure mistakes like this are not made in the future. There is a lot at stake in football these days, and to have the fate of games in the hands of one man just doesn’t make sense. But with Tony Warner in goal, Fulham should be pointing the finger at another man, truly disgraceful goalkeeping.

Tottenham 4 Derby 0

Tottenham lifted themselves off the bottom of the table with a comfortable 4-0 victory over Derby, and it was the usually useless Jenas who scored with a fine solo effort, with Malbranque grabbing a brace. Maybe all is not lost for Martin LOL (his new nickname until I can take him seriously again) and Bent also opened his account to pay much a fraction of the 16 million they paid for him. He still needs to buy effectively if Tottenham are going to get anywhere near that 4th spot this season.

Reading 1 Everton 0

Reading continued their impressive start to the season by beating the pretenders Everton whilst Bolton look in big big trouble after losing 3-1 to Portsmouth. Sammy Lee could be the new favourite to get the sack, after three pointless games.

Newcastle 0 Aston Villa 0

There was a bore draw at St James Park between Newcastle and Aston Villa, with Steve Harper making sure the Geordies got a point. The game saw the return to action of Michael Owen who looked well off the boil. Whilst it was only his first game back, surely his best days are behind him. He is like a Peter North without a dick, he might as well just retire.

Wigan 3 Sunderland 0

Wigan routed a truly awful Sunderland at the JJB which momentarily sent them top of the league. Don’t be fooled though, they have only beaten Boro and the Black Cats at home and they will still be expected to struggle, although Jason Koumas looks as though he could be in for an excellent season.

West Ham 1 Birmingham 0

West Ham gained a narrow but deserved victory over Birmingham thanks to a Mark Noble penalty. Not much to report here but Steve Bruce was back to his moaning about the “big club Vs little club syndrome”. What a load of nonsense. Birmingham have a far bigger fan-base that the Hammers and since when have West Ham become a big club exactly? Shut up Steve and just admit that your team were garbage.


Valderrama's Jockstrap Says:

Poor Jens...he's going down the same route Spunky did and its not a pretty sight. Lets hope Wenger realises sooner than he did then and sorts it out!

Closetgooner Says:

I think his career is over already, hes having a mare, we could make a top 10 of Jens lemon howlers. Worse than Dudek.