The Wheels Are Falling Off......

Portsmouth 1-1 Man United

Well well well. Two games in and everything is going wrong for United. Shrek is out for two months, the cheeky winker is out for three games and they only have two points out of six. They are already four points behind Chelsea despite having played two relatively easy fixtures. Man United dominated last night with the worst tackler in world football, Mr Paul Scholes, outstanding but Pompey rode their luck and a point was about right.

Fergie could not have envisaged that United would have had such difficulties in front of goal this year, with Rooney and Saha injured and Tevez not 100% match fit, things look bleak for the champions. They also lost the brilliant Ronaldo, after he decided to rub his forehead against Richard Hughes(the use of the word headbutt is frankly laughable). I’m sure the majority of the nation revelled in seeing winker sent off, and seeing the champions crumble under the mounting pressure is good for the premiership. Next up; the fast improving Man City, a derby that will be as competitive as ever, and could seriously dent Man Utd’s title chances.

Man City 1 – Derby 0

A moment of brilliance from Michael Johnson lit up this rather pedestrian affair. Sven keeps up his 100% record and Derby have shown all the qualities to suggest that they have no chance of surviving this year. When pundits are saying that you are “fit, organised and work hard it basically means that you have no quality, no flair, no skill and couldn’t score in a brothel.

The only good thing about the game was seeing Kasper Schmeichel slowly beginning to emulate his dad. The star jump, the dominance of his area and the screaming at defenders for no reason were there for all to see. All that is missing now is a red nose and him calling someone a “f*cking black bastard”. Like father, like son and all that.

Wigan 1- 0 Middlesborough

Antoine Sibierksi scored the winner in a dull, desperate affair which probably made Sky Viewers wonder why they paid their monthly subscription. Only 14,000 bothered turning up to watch this garbage, which surely just confirms that both these teams are going down faster than Divine Brown on Hugh Grant. Except that he actually got some enjoyment out of it.

Birmingham 2-2 Sunderland

A late equaliser from Blues old boy Stern John could be crucial to the Black Cats at the end of the season and Steve “Potato Head” Bruce will be left disappointed that his side couldn’t hold on after Garry O’ Connor had put Birmingham in front. Though they may be a bit upset with the equalizer as their keeper was clearly made to tap out in a crippler cross face fashion, leaving John with an open goal in which to silence the home crowd.

Fulham 2-Bolton 1

A howler from Tony Warner allowed Helguson to put Bolton in front but goals from Healey and Smertin handed the Cottagers (does that mean they are all gay?) the points. Bolton could be in real trouble this year and Sammy Lee looked like a drowned rat in the dugout. Fulham will probably finish higher than the Trotters but does anyone really care?

Reading 1- Chelsea 2

A typical Chelsea performance really at the Madejski. They looked distinctly average in the first half but a few substitutions and a half time roasting from Jose Mourinho (I bet John Terry feels like he missed out) appeared to do the trick. Fat Frank found his shooting boots (no deflections required) but please stop with that terrible celebration. Why are you kissing your wedding ring? Everyone knows you got caught with you pants down in a hotel with some piece of filth, so stop pretending that you are some sort of perfect husband. The Drog-Father gave Chelsea that extra cutting edge and they really look as though they want to wrestle the title back from Man United this year.

So much so, that they have resorted to try and trick the opposition. Reading players were probably thinking “oh, it’s just a steward, in his bright yellow jacket…..just leave him be….oh sh*t…he’s actually playing...get to him!!” What other explanation can there be for a team using the same dress code as those people working at airports?

Sunil