Guest Article...Fat Sam, Bill Clinton and The Village People

Big up to Luis Hernandez for today’s article, which he managed to complete whilst at work. Great to see he has his priorities in order.

“Some random thoughts for a cold Wednesday morning.

The big match in the Premier League tonight sees the mess that is the Toon Army take on the current Leaders. You ask anyone at the moment, and it’s an expected easy three points for the Ashburton Grove crew, and you can see why.

Newcastle are just in disarray at the moment. Big Sam is apparently dealing with player revolt after making Geremi captain, and because of his crap tactics. Of course the players in question have released a statement saying it’s not true and they back the manager, but its as convincing a statement as Bill Clinton’s Lewinsky one “...we did not have sexual relations with that Walrus Headed Cunt!” Yeah right boys, we believe you. What amazes me about the Toon at the moment is their defensive frailty. I don’t get how a team that gets shot of Titus ‘the Shambles’ Bramble, doesn’t automatically get better, it beggars belief, but they’ve managed it. And this from a manager who had Bolton as a pretty tight defensive outfit. What is in the water in the North East? Maybe that now that the big man has ‘decent’ players at his disposal he’s decided to try and play football and is now being found out for the hoof-ball merchant he is.

I’m not convinced though that it’ll be nice and easy for the Gunners. They’re decimated by injuries at the moment, and almost exclusively in midfield. For a while Wenger was collecting central midfielders like an Arab King putting together a harem in the old days, but its paying off. Missing will be Cesc, Diaby and Hleb (after Carew’s cynical chop on Saturday...but that’s ok he’s playing for a battling team so it’s just professional). That’s a lot of creative talent missing, but then again how much do you need to really cut Newcastle open like a festive turkey? Probably not much. I’d imagine the least creative Brazilian in the world, Gilberto, will come in, but he adds a solid base, so will hopefully give that scrotum bag Joey Barton a good kicking. I’d like to see Theo have a run out too, should scare the shit out of that defence.

For me the thing that will determine the game is if the mutinous Toon players decide to play well to show their support for their manager. We all know the effect that having your backs against the wall can do to galvanise people...like accidentally finding yourself in a nightclub for a Village People gig. I’ll follow the herd and predict and Arsenal win, but I don’t think it’ll be easy, and I can see the Northern bastards nicking a point.

Elsewhere, Celtic scraped through to the next stage of the Champions League, although how pissed must the Shakhtar Donetsk team and fans be today, it would have been a real story if they had made it through, and instead they bottled it big time...although not an unfamiliar story at the moment is it?


John Terry has said that Maureen should be made England manager. If ever there was a more odious man in football than ‘butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth...but you better not give one of us a fucking red card ref of I’ll hunt you down’ John Terry, then I’m open to suggestions. Considering the free reign that Chelsea players had to be complete chavs in various London nightclubs under Jose, I’m not sure he should be given the opportunity to do it again considering the spotlight on the national team, but then again he is a decent manager. It seems to me that he’s playing Brian Barwick like the kind of cheap slag John ‘I love my wife I do’ Terry probably hunts for; he’s giving her some attention in the hope that some fittie will see all this and swoop in to rescue him from the fat girl. We shall see I guess.

One final mention for West Brom too. Could have gone top on Saturday after Watford bottled a massive lead over the last month, and then they go and get spanked last night by the mighty Coventry....at home! What is going on......”

Luis Hernandez

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