Premiership Ups & Downs...

Going Up

Derby

An away goal, wooohooo, pop the champagne.

Man Utd & Chelsea

You cant really celebrate beating Derby & Sunderland at home because these games are simply formalities, but Man Utd and Chelsea fans must have been indulging in a few thousand celebratory wanks after seeing Arsenal and Liverpool slip up. Lets be honest, these two teams are the big 2 of recent years in terms of success, and its Arsenal and Liverpool who will need to apply the pressure. Their current form looks ominous. Lets hope that Super Duper Grand Slam Annihilation Judgment Day Sunday (courtesy of Skysports TM) throws a few more spanners in the works to make the title race the most exciting ever.

Portsmouth

They have the best away record in the league, and are right in amongst the top spots. Unfortunately Africa will rob them of most of their good players in January, but for now they can celebrate having a dodgy but brilliant manager and a great team, with so much power and pace its scary. Just look at how Muntari bundled Reo-Joker off the ball on Saturday, the word “owned” comes to mind.

Yakubu & Everton

A great hattrick, which was marred only by the awful female commentator Jacqui Oatley on match of the day. Jesus wept. The most prolific striker in the premiership over the last four years apart from that French dude, feed him and he will eat all your groceries, but give him some good service and he will score loads of goals. Everton are on a superb run of form, bar the Clattenburg show in the Merseyside derby. They will probably be the closest team to any of the top 4 come the end of the season.

Giggs

100 goals = Legend

Tottenham Hotspur

Finally a win against a decent side, although it was slightly fortunate. Maybe now spurs can go on that charge and snatch that 4th spot. lol

Going Down

Liverpool, Voronin, Riise and Momo

A team harbouring dreams of lifting the premiership title does not necessarily have to win every game, or go unbeaten for a whole season , but what you must do is win games against the lesser teams away from home. You have to wonder what goes through the mind of Benitez sometimes, after your best spell of the season, you then decide to play a formation similar to something out of a horror show.

Yes Reading were very fortunate, and Liverpool probably should have taken the points, but there are some seriously bad smells in the Liverpool team which need to be eradicated if things are to progress how they should.

Voronin – To quote a Jay-Z line “Had a spark when you started, but now you’re just garbage” When you get past the porn star cult status, and amazing ponytail you don’t really have a great player, even for free he doesn’t seem worth the money, but to be fair to him he was playing on the wing, totally out of position.

Sissoko – Where has this premiership player disappeared to? At one point he was a superb wrecking ball of a player, now he is simply awful and lacks the most simplest of skills in football. Momo’s greatest achievement this season will be passing to a Liverpool player twice in a row, if he does that he will surely be up there for sports personality of the year next season. Awful.

Riise – Cant cross, cant defend, has no pace, has no positional sense, but he can hit a ball 200 miles per hour, not a great gimmick anymore seeing as he hasn’t scored a goal this season.

Combine these 3 with Rafa’s crazy tactics and you have a recipe for disaster, putting Crouch on the left wing is like asking Rhydian from X-factor to perform 50-Cents’s new single, it was a complete and utter horror show. I personally think Rafa has every right to rotate, but only with the correct players, players with a degree of quality. With Rafa substituting Gerrard with 20 minutes to go you have to wonder where his priorities lie, will a European knock out spell the end of Rafa or a resurgence in the league?

Arsenal

The invincibles became the invisibles at the Riverside, we always wondered whether their squad could handle injuries to key players, and clearly they struggle without Hleb and Fabregas. Their midfield on Sunday was as creative as splashing paint on a canvas and calling it art. Without their injured midfielders arsenal may struggle over the busy Christmas period. They certainly need one of Hleb or Fabregas to return for the Chelsea game or they could be in big big trouble.

Eboue

An odious, treacherous, scumbag, disgraceful, cheating, child murdering ……(insert as many negative expletives as possible) type of player.

Ronaldo

As talented as he is, he still feels the need to dive like an absolute twat, you have to feel that the referee last week is now fully vindicated for giving him a yellow card. Funnily enough you didn’t see Fergie come out telling the world that Ronaldo conned the referee, of course you didn’t.