He Used To Love H.E.R

Thursday, 4 October 2007

When Christina was a young girl she wasn't the most intelligent girl in the school, wasn't the most popular, none of the boys really fancied her. They deemed her to be too ugly and boring, she was the sort of girl you would only consider having sex with after barrel of vodka, a 3 o'clocker, a girl that you settle for at the end of a boozy night out at 3am. All through her teenage years this played on her conscience, she always yearned to be one of the "it" girls, one of the girls that all the girls wanted to be, and the all the boys wanted to be with. As she got older she began to attract more boys, many of these guys would break her heart, others would just use her for sex and others wouldn't give her the the gifts that the other more attractive girls got, or make her feel special, until one day it all changed. She met this man, a very wealthy businessman called Paul, who fell for her potential, he could see in her an attractive woman under the bad skin, flat chest and crooked teeth. So he befriended her, wooed her with gifts, paid for plastic surgery, veneers, a whole makeover to make this once unattractive girl beautiful. Suddenly Christina was admired by all the men she would meet, she had a figure to die for and a smile that could make the hardest man moist. People wanted to be around her, they all wanted to be her friend, she made new friends everyday, people who she would never have spoken to when she was younger. Paul would continually buy her the best presents, the best clothes and she would eat the best food. Christina could not believe how much of a transformation she had gone through, she was admired by everyone she knew, Paul knew that all the men wanted a piece of her so he continued to throw money at her to keep her happy. Suddenly things started to go wrong, Paul didn't like Christina's best friend Mary and demanded that she didn't see her any more. Paul was convinced that Mary was leading her astray. Paul argued with Mary about all sorts of things, from the types of expensive clothes she was wearing to the new friends that Paul was forcing upon her. In time Christina stopped calling Mary, she knew she had lost a great friend, one that had helped her get past her insecurities and made her forget about the days when she was an ugly nobody whose sexual experiences ranged from a sloppy kiss to a random boob grope. Christina became depressed, she stopped going to the gym and started piling on the pounds, her boob jobs began to sag, her teeth became yellow and men didn't look at her in the same way. Suddenly she wasn't so attractive to Paul.

Paul knew he could have any women in the world, so why would he continue to waste money on Christina? So he decided to leave her. Christina was devastated, she relied on Paul for everything, she wasn't clever enough to get a new job and wasn't pretty enough to find a new man. As the years went by she found herself back to where she came from, scrambling for any bit of attention she could get, selling her body to the highest bidder. Her standards fell and ultimately she was back where she started, back to the old house she grew up with and ultimately she had lost all the friends she had gained when she was pretty, those friends realized they didn't really know her. She was fun when she was glamorous but when she lost all that they knew they could go elsewhere to find more fun and ultimately her life was now worse than it was all those years ago. Yes, she has all the great memories of her short stint at the top but life is a marathon not a short sprint.

What a sad tale, that is, you may wonder how this relates to football but I think its quite clear for everyone to see what im talking about.

3 Responses to "He Used To Love H.E.R"

Dida's Slap Head Says:

Genius, I also feel that chelsea will implode when Roman realises that there are teams with great managers and great history to throw money at. Its his play thing, could they be the new leeds?

Wunderkid Says:

No, sorry Kofi, I'm not stupid but I've got no idea what your on about or who Paul, Christina and Mary are supposed to be. Interesting tale though.

Anonymous Says:

Oh, wait, I get it now, Christina is Chelsea and Paul is Roman, is Mary supposed to be Jose?

The assumption that Chelsea are going down is a big one though as you can't really see them missing out on the top 4 at this point.

The reason Roman chose Chelsea to take over in the first place, ironically enough, was that a lot of the big Continental European clubs have a culture that would mean that there'd be mass riots if a Russian muli-billionaire took over, so they were't an option for Roman, and United, Arsenal and Liverpool were simply to expensive and complex, so (comparatively) little Chelsea who were in massive debt were just perfect.

As you say Kofi, he saw the beauty in Chelsea that other tycoons didn't see, and has taken them up there with (and beyond a lot of) the big clubs.

But if they don't make the big four and fulfill his dreams of owning the world's best football club, then he could very possibly look elsewhere.