I Thought England Were Crap At Penalties?

I could sit here and blab about England recording their 5th successive 3-0 win against the superpower that is Estonia, or about Wayne Rooney finally breaking his international duck or even about seeing Ashley Cole seriously injure himself, but I cant bring myself to speak about something so mundane and boring. I would like to talk about something more important, something that came to my mind when watching England triumph in the rugby World Cup Semi Final. I always thought England were supposed to be crap at penalties?

There are many similarities between England's rugby and football teamsboth sides have an ability to underachieve at times, both teams fail to play with the style and grace of other more flamboyant countries and both teams have a manager who is often criticised for team selections. That's probably where the similarities stop. Who would you rather see your daughter bring home as her prom date? Wayne Rooney or Jonny Wilkinson? Rio Ferdinand or Jason Robinson? I think its quite clear the kind of difference in personnel we are dealing with here.

The rugby team have actually won something in recent times, yes I admit, winning a tournament with 5 teams who have a chance, is a lot easier than winning a World or European football tournament, but its an achievement not to be sniffed at. When England won the rugby World Cup they had quite possibly the best team in the world at the time, but I bet you didn't know it, I bet you were not smothered with the hype from the Sun newspaper. We weren't flooded with the media proclaiming the second coming of Christ, like we get every 4 years with the football World Cup, from Owen to Beckham to Rooney to Walcott(lol), we have heard it all before, about how these players would lead England to their first World Cup win since "66, but why hasn't this happened? Why have the England rugby side overshadowed the football team?













Well its all about balls, big juicy ones and the England rugby team and most notably Jonny Wilkinson have massive huge balls, as demonstrated once again on Saturday night in the Stade de France, let alone 4 years ago in Australia. As the media expectation heaped on the English football team gets larger and larger their balls become smaller and smaller and smaller.

From Lampard to Vassell to Southgate to Batty to Waddle to whoever. It's a long list of players who simply didn't have the balls when it mattered. Even through years of constant failure, they have been expected to bring home a trophy, but the dreaded penalty has always been the cause of their demise.

These players and future england star players now have balls the size of cashew nuts,
and that won't change until the media realises that they need to stop heaping so much expectation on the football players, regardless of how many so called "world class" players they have.








Wilko on the other hand, is a man with huge melons between his legs.







He doesn't seem to crack under the pressure and is a man who knows how to take a penalty, the footballers can learn a lot from this man. Keep your mouth shut, don't hype yourself up, stay out of the limelight, ignore the media and get yourself fit. Do that and maybe your balls will grow and you might have the bottle to take a penalty and win England a World Cup.